View Full Version : From crisis to hope....I hope!!
Strugglingmum
19-01-22, 11:51 AM
Hey all, new thread.
I've been a bit quiet, mostly because I've been in hospital since boxing day after plunging into another MH crisis.
I'm still not very well but I'm a bit better than I was.
I'm trying a new treatment and occasionally grasping a spark of hope that things will get better.
My thoughts are still very dark at times but the staff are lovely and very supportive. I think I'll be here another week or so yet.
I'm finding it hard being away from my family and there has been no visiting for 2 weeks now due to high Covid numbers in our area. I'm praying for visiting to restart soon, it makes it a bit easier.
Hope you are all doing ok. Much love. X
You’re doing brilliantly, love. We’re with you all the way
I can't tell you how proud of you I am. You're doing everything you can to get better, and that's all anyone can ask of you.
I pray you can have visits again soon lovely.
Jaquaia
19-01-22, 10:22 PM
You've got this!
I'm so proud of you too darling. You're a winner and a survivor and you'll get out of this temporary dark abyss. Things WILL get better, slowly but surely a day at a time. I'm pleased the staff are good, it makes such a difference. Fingers crossed that visiting can start soon. As Jaq so rightly says..you've got this. Much love and hugs coming your way.xxxx
Strugglingmum
21-01-22, 02:04 PM
Thanks Flo.
Last night I had my first decent sleep in a long time and only 1 nightmare so maybe meds are starting to work.
Jaquaia
21-01-22, 03:10 PM
That sounds really positive!
SM That's amazing! I'm so pleased for you!
Stella180
21-01-22, 04:32 PM
A good nights sleep makes such a huge difference
Thanks Flo.
Last night I had my first decent sleep in a long time and only 1 nightmare so maybe meds are starting to work. Jolly good! You're on the up now!
Strugglingmum
22-01-22, 10:11 AM
Another decent night sleep with only 1 nightmare
That’s fantastic! You are awesome :)
I'm proud of you. Roughly how much sleep are you getting each night?
Strugglingmum
23-01-22, 09:51 AM
Last night I was asleep by 11, woke twice with nightmares but went back to sleep until 6 this morning.
That's amazing sleep for me!!
WOW! That's amazing! I'm so pleased! Sorry about the nightmares though... I saw that in Ireland they are planning on reducing the covid restrictions - does that mean you could have visitors again soon?
Strugglingmum
23-01-22, 01:53 PM
Still not sure about visitors. I think it is more about protecting staff so there isn't a lot having to go off sick and leave everywhere short staffed.
A lovely friend dropped off a gift to the hospital today, so so kind of her travelling miles to do it.
I'm so glad you got a present from her! You're very much loved you know....
Strugglingmum
24-01-22, 02:22 PM
Today pregabalin was suggested as an alternative to the prazosin I've been trialled on and having bother with.
Can people tell me their experiences of pregabalin.... I've heard lots of horror stories but would like an alternative view also.
Jaquaia
24-01-22, 02:52 PM
I've taken pregabalin for anxiety for around 3 years now, it allows me to function. It's not perfect but things are so much better than they were.
Pregablin gives me slight brain fog but it’s not at a level I can’t cope with. I was prescribed it for pain but it does help with my anxiety, mostly (I’m not on any additional meds for anxiety). I know others have worse side effects but I’m on 600mg and there’s nothing unbearable for me. My main point is it REALLY let’s you know, within a couple of hours, if you’ve missed a dose……
Jaquaia
24-01-22, 06:10 PM
I'm only on 150mg a day but like Paula said, I know when I've missed it!
I've had horrific side effects when I was on really high doses.. Now it's not so bad, brain fog - but that could be due to the fibro rather than the meds - it's hard to tell.... I hit withdrawal really soon when I am late for a dose or miss a dose....
Strugglingmum
24-01-22, 08:27 PM
So the info sheet i was given says it's not addictive so how does that cause withdrawal symptoms if stopped or missed dose?
It is addictive. You have to wean off it slowly, not all doctors acknowledge this. My new pain consultant was horrified when I was told to "just half your dose" from 600mg 2ce a day...
BUT it is very good at doing what it does. Without it I wouldn't have been able to move for pain for years...
It’s not addictive in the way morphine, for instance, is addictive but it does cause discontinuation symptoms
It’s not addictive in the way morphine, for instance, is addictive but it does cause discontinuation symptoms
That's what I meant, sorry it's been a long, long, long week and apparently it's only Monday!
Jaquaia
24-01-22, 10:45 PM
Even on only 150mg I was told to come off it very slowly
Strugglingmum
25-01-22, 09:51 AM
Thank you everyone for your experience. I'm going to have to weigh up the pros and cons. At the moment we are still on Plan A but it's good to be ready with a decision about Plan B if its needed.
Sounds like a sensible plan lovely.
Strugglingmum
31-01-22, 07:32 AM
Cant believe I've been here for over a month now.!!
I do feel a bit better but still not ready for home.
Hopefully we will do an increase in my meds today and see where we go from there. All the staff are pleasant and the ward is nice....but it's not home!
I'm so glad that you're taking your time and not rushing going home before you are ready. I know it's so hard to not be at home, but you're doing the right thing love. How's your sleep? Nightmares? Flashbacks?
I’m so glad the ward is nice. Mine wasn’t so I probably went home earlier than I should. I’m so proud of you, love
I'm so pleased you're progressing love. A nice ward makes all the difference...and when you get to know the nurses and vice versa it's even better. Slowly but surely is the way to go. I'm proud of you too....you'll be an inspiration to a lot of people. Not only are you making 'you' well but you'll help to make others well too. God Bless sweetheart.xxxx
Strugglingmum
31-01-22, 05:40 PM
Day 3479824236789109876 on the ward. Actually its 37 but who's counting !!!
I'm finding the days long but I'm managing to get them in. I'm bored a lot of the time. No further med increase yet but hopefully tomorrow. The dr last week gave me the option to move to plan b but we are sticking with a for now.
Did I mention I'm bored????
Are you managing to take walks round the garden?
Stella180
31-01-22, 05:58 PM
I’d be so bored it would be enough to put it a place like that lol
Sorry you're bored love! What about things like apps on your phone? I've been using a jigsaw app ;) Reading? Walking around the gardens?
Strugglingmum
04-02-22, 02:22 PM
Every day has gelled into one.
It's a bit monotonous. I get bored with the things i have to amuse me quickly
I miss Ali. I'm just feeling blah and want to go home
Oh love, all of that is so understandable. What kind of things do you have to keep you occupied? Can you crochet?
How's the meds change going?
Do you have a plan with the doctors on potentially going home?
Strugglingmum
04-02-22, 08:18 PM
I crochet, although at the moment I start something and then rip it out because it's not pleasing me. I have a jigsaw app on my phone, i have books to read, mindful colouring and walking in the garden. I can also go to the ot activity room.
What about just making something really simple like a granny square blanket? Something that you don't have to focus too hard on, but that can keep growing and doesn't have to be perfect?
What a good idea! I do squares to use up the copious amounts of yarn I have. Hope all is going well SM.xxx
Strugglingmum
09-02-22, 06:31 PM
Life in the psych ward is long and boring although the days freakishly tell me I've been here 6.5 weeks!!
Today A was allowed to visit for the first time in 5 weeks. It was so lovely to hold a physical person.
Oh wow! I'm so glad he got to visit and you got to hug him!
How are you doing love? What things are you doing to keep you occupied?
I’m so so happy you got to see him!
Jaquaia
09-02-22, 09:12 PM
So happy you got face to face time!
Strugglingmum
10-02-22, 05:36 PM
So I've been on an emotional roller coaster over past couple of days but feel more on an even keel now.
Planning some crochet this evening and a video call with a friend . Also.....I need cake. I told Ali to bring cake next visit. Lol
I can understand the NEED for cake! (rofl) (rofl)
Want to talk about it?
And, yes, cake, lots of!
Strugglingmum
10-02-22, 09:20 PM
It's just been so tough being away from my family knowing that a lot of issues aren't dealt with, they are just resting whilst I'm away. Everytime we mention my daughter I dissolve again. I'm healing very very slowly from that blow
It's totally expected to heal slowly after that love...
Hope that things get sorted hunni... Take it as slowly as you need to.
(panda) as Suzi says, it’s expected. Love, one step at a time
Stella180
10-02-22, 11:02 PM
I understand the pain when talking about the things that are still so raw.
Strugglingmum
13-02-22, 09:57 AM
Poor A has LFT tested positive and is feeling crap. I've told him to get a PCR done too as if he needs to contact GP he will need to have 1 done....he is super prone to chest infections.
I wish I was home to look after him. He sounded really fed up on the phone.
Oh no! Sorry about A. But you know you that it's important for you to stay where you are and get as well and as strong as you can do love...
Sorry to hear that A is poorly, but like suzi says, you're in the right place at the moment and I expect if you were at home you might catch it and that wouldn't help you. Thank God for phones! xx
(panda) hunni, will friends from church check up on him and help with deliveries etc?
Strugglingmum
13-02-22, 01:39 PM
Yip I need to stay put. The kids will all help out as will some friends.
I'm glad you are able to see that... I know it's really tough.
Strugglingmum
15-02-22, 04:32 PM
So provisional plan is home in 2 weeks!!!
Fingers crossed things keep going the way they are going. X
Stella180
15-02-22, 04:42 PM
That’s great to have a target to work towards.
Jaquaia
15-02-22, 05:18 PM
Awesome!!! You're amazing!
You are amazing! I’m so happy!
That sounds like it's great news.
How are you doing with the meds? Thoughts?
Mattypompy
16-02-22, 07:18 PM
Well done. Keep fighting. Never give up!
Strugglingmum
17-02-22, 10:22 AM
That sounds like it's great news.
How are you doing with the meds? Thoughts?
My body seems to have adjusted to the new meds ok, I just need to be careful getting up during the night that I font get lightheaded. My thoughts are slowly normalizing as I get more sleep. Mood still a bit low but I think that's to be expected
That is incredible news. I’m so proud of you :)
I'm so proud of you! You're working so hard on this. Be proud of yourself love.
Strugglingmum
18-02-22, 04:22 PM
Being discharged today. I asked them to bring it forward.
Home with HTT.
So happy
Stella180
18-02-22, 05:55 PM
That’s fab news. Katie is going to be excited to see you and sleeping in your own bed again will be heavenly.
That's great! Do you feel ready? Do you promise to rest?
Jaquaia
18-02-22, 06:23 PM
Awesome!!!
Strugglingmum
18-02-22, 07:52 PM
Its lovely to be home. I saw HTT on way home and I'm now very tired. Feet up and tea nearly ready. Easy night but not sleeping in my own bed as Ali has Covid...I'm in Ionas bed!
Oh no! Is Ali still poorly?
So glad you're home love. Promise me you're going to rest and pace.... PLEASE?
Strugglingmum
19-02-22, 08:52 AM
Ali is fine but he is still testing positive so we are distancing from each other.
Have to confess I feel a bit wobbly being home again but HTT told me yesterday that was to be expected after 2 months in hospital.
I'm up and breakfast, washed and dressed. I've been unpacking and opening mail etc. I'm aggitated so being busy helps but I need to wise up and sit down and breathe. All a bit overwhelming but I'm seeing htt at 2pm
Jaquaia
19-02-22, 08:59 AM
Baby steps, you've got this (panda)
Jaq’s right, you’ve so got this. You’ve got the support you need, you’ve got the tools you need and you’ve definitely got the guts you need to do this!
I totally agree with the others. Be kind to you, rest, pace etc....
Hey gorgeous, how are you doing?
I was just to about to ask the same thing…..
Strugglingmum
24-02-22, 02:22 PM
I'm slowly getting used to being home. I'm back in my own bed and honestly...its real baby steps.
Today I ate, drank, walked the dog and bathed the dog. I'm done!! Still daily with HTT.
Glad you've still got that support. How's your mood love?
Baby steps are good, love :)
Strugglingmum
24-02-22, 07:33 PM
Glad you've still got that support. How's your mood love?
It's a bit low at times but I'm battling through.
Baby steps are good, love :)
Um ...... about those baby steps, I'm popping into a cafe tomorrow to chat about a job. I'm not sure if I'm ready but sure it's only a chat, no commitment
Can I ask why you're even thinking about a job? Even just going for a chat?
Strugglingmum
24-02-22, 08:35 PM
Do you know what, I'm not sure. I saw the ad, thought I could do that, why not just send them a message.
I'm not stressing about it.
I spend a lot of time overthinking and ruminating I like to be busy to distract but cant always motivate myself to busy well I'm thinking a job would help me focus somewhere else.
Sweetie, if I had said I was going for a job having just come back home from being in hospital for 2 months, what would you say?
Hunni, I’m worried about you - you’re really quiet. Can you respond to my PM please…
Just to let you all know I have spoken to SM and she is OK. She's reduced her social media for a while but she will be popping on when she is ready x
So pleased she's ok. Plenty of time to catch up on things.xxx
Strugglingmum
02-03-22, 03:51 PM
Hey all, sorry for the silence, days crept by and I dintquiterealise it had been a while.
I'm slowly adjusting to life on the outside...its tough.
I get anxious easily and there are lots of tears. I'm still also having to adjust to Io having left home and that is still distressing me a lot. I'm a bit of a rollercoaster to be around and I'm still trying to get myself stabilised at home.
It’s horribly hard when they leave home (I was all over the place with much less reason than you). Is it that she’s not there, or the circumstances that are upsetting you the most?
Strugglingmum
02-03-22, 05:33 PM
Its definitely the circumstances. If she had been packing to go to uni, or buying her first home etc I'd probably have been helping her pack, crying and we would have laughed at me crying. I could tell her I'd miss her without it being an issue etc.
As Ali says. He has had time to get used to it a bit, it's all fresh to me all over again as I was isolated from ot in hospital
It's going to take a while to get used to it. I'm still shocked at the way it happened and it didn't happen to me!
Are you going with the feelings or trying to busy them away?
Are you pacing or pushing through?
Strugglingmum
03-03-22, 02:36 PM
I end up in tears a lot so I would say I'm going with the feelings!!
Definitely not even pacing. Motivation has taken a nose dive
Oh lovely... What things are you during your day love?
Strugglingmum
04-03-22, 01:45 PM
Today is a better day.... no tears yet but I'm heading for my HTT appointment so that could change!!
I've been to see a friend this morning so I got out of the house.
Well done for getting out to a friends. Hope HTT appointment was OK....
How are you doing love?
Good to hear! Will you let us know how HTT goes?
Strugglingmum
05-03-22, 02:23 PM
So yesterday was a much better day. For me actually being able to identify that anxiety is my biggest issue helps me to cope with it better. No tears yesterday, none yet today and I've done some gardening...haven't gone anywhere and I'm focusing on being kind to me and meeting my needs...did some yoga, did my devotional reading etc.
Think I'm going to head for a walk...and I'm not taking the dog because I want to be alone and not stressing about her....and I'm not going to feel guilty about leaving her behind.
Stella180
05-03-22, 03:05 PM
Nor should you feel guilty, theirs nothing wrong with wanting some outdoor time alone. Sounds like you’ve got everything planned out and I’m so glad you are prioritising your well-being. Enjoy your walk.
Strugglingmum
05-03-22, 03:33 PM
Walked 4 miles without being pulled by a hulking GSD...was bliss!! Of course she is now huffing lol
Jaquaia
05-03-22, 06:07 PM
Lots of fuss and she'll forgive you!
Stella180
05-03-22, 06:08 PM
Saddle her are let her take you for a ride lol. Ifs nice to get out in the fresh air and clear your head.
So glad you had a good time love! So glad things are looking a bit brighter.
I so happy you’ve had a brighter day :)
Glad you're feeling brighter love...spring is on the way, mornings and evenings getting lighter, you'll have the whole summer to recharge and get better and better.xxx
Strugglingmum
07-03-22, 03:21 PM
Today I've been resting most of the day. Listening to my body and brain.
Good. How are you feeling, love?
Strugglingmum
07-03-22, 04:47 PM
I'm really tired today and didnt sleep well but I'm ok.
I'm so glad you are resting when you need to. It's so important. I'm learning that one too.
Strugglingmum
10-03-22, 11:50 AM
Have had a couple of busier days so a day at home to recharge. Yoga this morning to calm my mind and a walk with Katie to get some fresh air. I cant get over how easily I still get tired. Went to church last night for a prayer time for Ukraine. I'm glad I went but was so tired when I came home. It was good to see some friends and catch up too.
Have you been up to anything good/fun?
Strugglingmum
10-03-22, 05:38 PM
No feeling a bit flat this afternoon but I'll perk up.
Sweetheart you've been really poorly, you're expected to be tired
Morning, lovely, just leaving hugs (panda)
How are you today lovely?
Was just going to ask the same question! How are you sweetheart. I hope you have a good day.xxx
Strugglingmum
12-03-22, 10:58 PM
Today I cleared out 2 attic storage spaces with Ali. We got rid of a lot of rubbish!!!! It was good to be busy but work alongside Ali.
Glad you were able to do it with him... How are your thoughts love?
Strugglingmum
13-03-22, 12:40 PM
My thoughts are ok.
I get tired easily and get a bit anxious easily but I'm managing to keep a fairly positive mindset. I really am just taking it day at a time. I'm trying to just stay present and enjoy time with Ali and my sons. I message Io and try to then release it and not get upset if she doesnt reply.
I agree, that's huge. I'm so proud of you.
Strugglingmum
15-03-22, 04:11 PM
I had lunch with my daughter today!!
I'm so happy.
OH MY GOD that’s AWESOME!!! I’m so happy for you (happy)
Stella180
15-03-22, 06:19 PM
That’s brilliant. Dish the details, how did it go?
I had lunch with my daughter today!!
I'm so happy.
OMG That's so AWESOME! How was it?
Strugglingmum
15-03-22, 10:55 PM
I messaged her saying I'd be in town around lunchtime and did she want to meet for a cup of tea on her break from college and she said yes!! We ended up having fries and a cuppa from McDonald's and chatted and laughed together over some silly memories. It was very light hearted and there was no real deep conversation, that's not what today was about, it was just connecting again and we definitely took a step forward.
I had an appointment with HTT and they are discharging me next week back to my psychologist. It was a good day.
Stella180
15-03-22, 11:10 PM
Hey it didn’t need to be all deep and meaningful conversations. Just being together and having fun is more than enough. You just created another memory. I’m really happy for you to have had that time together today.
That put a massive smile on my face, I’m so very chuffed :)
That post is amazing! You should be so proud of you! You've worked so hard and been through so much to get yourself better. I'm so pleased that you and Io reconnected. Light hearted seems the best option right now allowing yourselves to "just be" together.... I'm so pleased for you both!
Strugglingmum
16-03-22, 12:04 PM
Thanks guys I was really chuffed!!
Yes....I'm really chuffed for you too darling. You're coming along a treat! I agree with Stella...doesn't have to be deep meaningful stuff...sometimes it's too much for a head to deal with. Keep it simple and manageable and lighthearted. So pleased you and Io got together. Remember...don't analyse too much either, just makes something lovely, complicated. You're making great headway..no pun intended! Lots of love to you brave lady.(panda)
I'm not surprised you're chuffed love. It's so fab!
Strugglingmum
21-03-22, 03:36 PM
Just checking in.
My energy levels are really low atm. I'm not sure why. I've swam today but done little else other than putting the dinner in the slow cooker. Need to get my ass in gear a bit.
Had a nice weekend, went for dinner and a movie on Saturday night. Was nice to be out with Ali but I was tired after.
Otherwise I'm doing ok.
You’re just recovering from a serious illness, lovely, that takes it’s toll on your body. You’re doing so much more now than you were even a couple of weeks ago so, when your body tells you today is a rest day, listen to it. As you have done today :)
Paula is spot on! You really are going to need to be kind to you lovely. You need to allow yourself to rest and pace.
Do I ask how many lengths you swam?
Strugglingmum
21-03-22, 07:27 PM
I only did 32 lengths.. half a mile.
Tomorrow I have 3 appointments..1 of them to finally get my hair cut so a busy day. I am being discharged from HTT tomorrow back to my psychologist so that is a positive. Wednesday my gp wants to do a meds review... in other words he wants to stop my Lorazepam. I will try and fight for it as it helps but I know they wont want me on it longterm.
I know that feeling….. my psychiatrist has put the instructions to my GP to put my lorazepam on repeat in big, bold letters on his letter to them. I haven’t tested whether they’ve done as instructed yet :/
What are the instructions on your discharge summary?
Could HTT put something in your discharge notes about not stopping it for a while?
Strugglingmum
22-03-22, 04:46 PM
I am officially discharged from HTT. I see my psychologist in 2 weeks time to plan our next steps.
Htt are going to make a note about my medication for GP but he wont have that for tomorrow but I'm just going to be honest about it and see how it goes.
Got my hair cut today. Was lovely to get rid of all the taily ends and get a nice blow dry....tomorrow it will be a sight after I sleep on it:=
Happy discharge day! How do you feel about it?
Strugglingmum
23-03-22, 09:59 AM
Happy discharge day! How do you feel about it?
I feel good. I haven't really been in touch with them for a couple of weeks. I feel more than ready to move on from them.
Strugglingmum
23-03-22, 04:40 PM
Had my meds review today and my GP agreed to leave all my meds in place as prescribed by the hospital. I didnt even need to battle him. It was awesome!!
Fantastic news! You're doing so well......32 lengths of the pool? I could do that....if the pool was 6ftx6ft!!(rofl)
That's amazingly good news! So glad for you love!
Stella180
24-03-22, 01:37 AM
I’m so glad your doctor has supported you in this.
How are you today lovely?
Strugglingmum
24-03-22, 04:44 PM
I'm doing ok. I've been doing some crochet, walked the dog, spoke to friends on the phone.
All sound positive. How are your thoughts/moods?
Stella180
24-03-22, 07:43 PM
Is that all positive stuff? It sounds positive to me but how are things in your head?
Strugglingmum
24-03-22, 08:55 PM
Things in my head are good. I'm thinking logically and not beating myself up too much.... that's a huge positive!
That's a huge change! You're amazing! I'm so proud of you!
Stella180
24-03-22, 10:28 PM
That’s massive. Good job.
Strugglingmum
25-03-22, 03:30 PM
A swim this morning and the shopping done.
I am cooking Christmas dinner on Sunday for mother's day.
Our Christmas was rubbish with me being I'll and Io had Covid so all getting together in happier circumstances is all the gift I need.
Well have a really wonderful time with your family love.xx
Oh love that's so awesome! I'm so pleased for you! It must feel a bit like Christmas!
Strugglingmum
25-03-22, 10:09 PM
I'm just very thankful for any time I have with them.
I totally see that...
Happy Christmas Eve to you love.
How was it love? I hope it was everything you wanted
I was wondering the same thing....
Strugglingmum
28-03-22, 01:25 PM
The day was fine. I had dinner all prepped so they could get it started while I was at church. It was nice to all be together. I was exhausted and fell asleep for the afternoon.
So glad you got to have that time together...
Not surprised you were exhausted! You're not long out of hospital love.
Stella180
28-03-22, 05:58 PM
Everyone has a nap after Christmas dinner. It’s the law.
Strugglingmum
30-03-22, 03:45 PM
Frozen!! Last mile of our walk was through a hailstorm. I was in leggings, trainers and a hoodie. Katie of course had her lovely fur coat to keep her cosy. Cup of tea and a slab of chocolate required!!
Oh no! Have you warmed up yet?
Strugglingmum
30-03-22, 04:48 PM
Yes just about. Real temperature drop here today.
OO hope you've since warmed up lovely!
Strugglingmum
06-04-22, 05:06 PM
Didnt realise it had been so long since I posted. I haven't much to say. I'm just working on recovery. I'm focussed on doing the daily basics and adding in the tools that help me cope and feel alive.
I've lost my crochet mojo a bit but I'm keeping going through it.
Tomorrow I am heading away for a few days to a Christian retreat. I'm looking forward to hopefully feeling refreshed, alive and resting and being renewed.
Hope everyone is doing ok. Xx
Hunni, you don’t sound as bright as you did a little while ago….
I agree with Paula. Are you really OK lovely?
Strugglingmum
07-04-22, 10:38 AM
Honestly this week I feel so much stronger and have more energy. Mentally I feel a lot of peace and contentment that I haven't had in so long. I had my first psychology appointment yesterday since I went into hospital. My psychologist has known me for a number of years and said the change in me is so noticeable, I have a bit of life in my eyes and my body language is so much more relaxed. We are going to meet fortnightly for a while and gently unpack the last few months.
For the first time in years I'm just being. It's very freeing.
That's such a brilliant and positive post!!!
How are you doing, lovely?
I was wondering that too... How are things with your family too love?
Strugglingmum
14-04-22, 06:22 PM
Hi all. I had a wonderful weekend at my retreat.
I came home very refreshed and totally renewed.
Family are all well and ready for a few days off for Easter.
I'm not sure what all we are doing but Easter Tuesday we are going out for a day to a forest park with our church for a walk and picnic. Looking forward to our services over the weekend. X
Sounds like you're doing OK lovely, which is fabulous!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Strugglingmum
19-04-22, 03:30 PM
So I have been a bit poorly all over Easter with a viral thing so it's been quiet however today I felt a lot better and built my greenhouse AND planted my seeds. More to do but that will do me today. I'm enjoying being outside after days of cooped up inside.
Oh no! I hope you’ve been well looked after (panda)
Oh no! Poorly over Easter sucks...
Glad your greenhouse is created though! Well done for getting your seeds planted too!
Strugglingmum
19-04-22, 08:25 PM
I've been very well looked after ..... the difference being, I felt worthy enough to let them look after me. I have revelled in having cups of tea made for me and lemsip brought to me etc.
That is so wonderful to hear!
I've been very well looked after ..... the difference being, I felt worthy enough to let them look after me. I have revelled in having cups of tea made for me and lemsip brought to me etc.
OMG that made me cry so much! That's so wonderful to hear! Print it out and post it everywhere you can so you can see it every day!
Strugglingmum
21-04-22, 09:39 AM
I have a job interview on 7th May!! Its not even for a job but for a waiting list but interview experience will be fab....I haven't interviewed in years!!
I've also joined a craft group that meets once a month. It's with the group that organised the retreat I went on and it's to make gifts etc for the next group of guests so I get to give something back.
I had a psychology appointment yesterday. My psychologist is blown away at the change in me over the past couple of months and how much my thinking has shifted to a healthy place. After 4 years in therapy I am working towards discharge over the next few months. That is a huge step forward!!
OO good luck lovely!
What a lovely idea of the craft group! That's got to be so positive!
I know you didn't want to be in hospital, but the change in you is dramatic!
Wow!! That’s huge! I’m so proud of you!
Jaquaia
21-04-22, 11:02 AM
That's absolutely brilliant!!!
Strugglingmum
25-04-22, 11:55 AM
Another lovely thing about feeling more alive and more like me is watching my family react and adjust to me.
Io came down on Saturday and got out of her car and walked towards me with her arms outstretched for a hug. Like guys....that is huge. She hadn't willingly hugged me in such an expressive way in years!! She mostly tolerates a hug with bad grace.
Yesterday after church we spur of the moment went out for lunch with friends...no planning, no worrying about my anxiety or people tolerating levels.... just let's go enjoy ourselves. Watching my hubby thrive socially again is wonderful.....he loves people and socialising.
When my eldest comes home now he comes and sits with me and talks with me and wants to spend time in my company.
To enjoy life again is such a blessing.
Never stop believing things can get better, it may take time but it's worth the fight!!
OMG that's such an amazing post!!!!!!!!! I'm beaming ear to ear as I'm so pleased for you!
Jaquaia
26-04-22, 10:40 AM
That's really made me smile!
Strugglingmum
26-04-22, 09:19 PM
Io messaged me today to ask me to meet her for lunch on her break from college. Quick fries and a cuppa from McDonald's never tasted so good.
Spent time with my employment officer today at the centre preparing for my interview.
Had a swim too. First time I managed a mile since I came out of hospital. Well chuffed as the first 20 were tough but the rest came much easier!!
Oh I'm loving that you're rebuilding things with Io! That's amazing.
Good luck for your interview lovely!
Well done on the swim!
How are you doing lovely? How did your interview go?
Strugglingmum
29-04-22, 09:00 PM
It's not til next week. Still time to prepare.
Catching up on you over the last week - I am so proud of you!
Sorry, misunderstood!
Hope things are going well for you love. Are you meeting up with Io more? What about your greenhouse? Are things growing well? How's your mood?
Strugglingmum
30-04-22, 09:16 AM
I'm doing well. I still struggle a bit with tiredness but some of it is my own fault. I have found my love of reading again and stay up too late at night for 'just one more chapter' or like last night, finishing the book. (think)
I have some seeds germinating but not as many as I hoped yet. It's been really sunny here for a week so they have had plenty of heat so I may not be getting as many as I hoped but the fun is in the trying.
I see Io maybe once or twice a week. I dont message her a lot but leave things to move at her pace. I have a peace about things with her and am content about letting her find her own way of moving forward.
I'm enjoying life again and just being alive. I'm blessed with my family and friends and everything else is an added bonus. I no longer strive to make life worthwhile....it just is. I make sure I'm doing the things that keep me well and self-care. I'm getting well, I want to stay well and that's my responsibility to do all I can to get there. I know the things that drain me and try to avoid as much as I can..
I can't love that post enough! It's so wonderful to hear you so positive! I am in absolute awe of you.
Jaquaia
30-04-22, 11:54 AM
The change in you is amazing! I'm so pleased you're doing better.
I am over the moon that you and Io are doing so much better!
Strugglingmum
30-04-22, 05:41 PM
I am over the moon that you and Io are doing so much better!
Me too. Xx
Strugglingmum
01-05-22, 09:30 PM
A lovely Sunday with the family.
I started the day not feeling great as my blood pressure was low but it improved as the day went on.
We had dinner and played Switch sports this afternoon and then I managed church with my friend. It was nice to get out.
Is your bp being monitored?
A late reply I know but I'm so pleased that everything and everyone is coming together for you. You deserve every hug and kiss from your lovely family. You've put in a lot of work to get where you are at the moment. I think you're amazing and I'm so proud of you!
Strugglingmum
02-05-22, 10:14 AM
Is your bp being monitored?
No Paula. It is always on the low side of normal but also the meds I take at night for my PTSD lower the bp and I took them late Saturday night so I think it was a delay in them leaving my system.....it carried over to the next morning. I'm grand today.x
A late reply I know but I'm so pleased that everything and everyone is coming together for you. You deserve every hug and kiss from your lovely family. You've put in a lot of work to get where you are at the moment. I think you're amazing and I'm so proud of you!
Thank you Flo. Xx
Glad you're OK lovely... You really are amazing.
Strugglingmum
06-05-22, 09:49 PM
I have my first interview in about 8years tomorrow. Yikes!!
It's at 9am so at least I wont have time to worry about it!!
Outfit planned, morning routine organised.
Meeting friends afterwards to craft and relax.
Good luck love!
Your fab 5 today really, really made me so proud and cry buckets! I love how your moods seem so much brighter... Will you let us know how you get on tomorrow?
Good luck! Hoping it goes really well :)
Allalone
07-05-22, 08:53 AM
Good luck!
Hope it's gone well lovely.
Jaquaia
07-05-22, 09:38 AM
Too late to wish you good luck but hope it went well and you're enjoying your crafting time!
Strugglingmum
07-05-22, 10:14 AM
It went ok. I wasnt nervous and was able to smile and look confident. Here were an awful lot of candidates so who knows. Its done and I'm not worrying about it.
Looking forward to meeting my friends.
You are awesome! Well done love and hope you have a great time with your friends :)
Well done love! Hope you had a good time with your friends!
Strugglingmum
09-05-22, 03:59 PM
I'm good. Just home from a new lunch club that we have started for the elderly. I really enjoyed volunteering and looking after the kitchen.
It makes my heart glad with the change in you over the past couple of months :)
That sounds so good! So glad you had a good time!
Strugglingmum
11-05-22, 03:01 PM
I've been having problems with the skin on my face for a while. I have tried every moisturiser etc to try and help settle it down. I finally got over my embarrassment with it today and phoned the dr. I have rosacea so starting on new cream to try and get it under control. Just another thing I had let slide because I didnt think I was important enough to phone the dr. Gradually taking control of my life again and looking after me.
Well done for making that call. Is it something you’ve had to deal with in the past?
I'm so proud of you for putting your needs as important! Well done love.
Strugglingmum
11-05-22, 11:06 PM
Well done for making that call. Is it something you’ve had to deal with in the past?
No it's a new diagnosis although it's been there for quite a time but I haven't done anything about it.
How are you doing today love?
Strugglingmum
12-05-22, 12:41 PM
I'm delighted today. My son had a job interview yesterday and was offered the job this morning.
It's his first post in accounting and he has studied hard to get there. They are going to fund the rest of the training he needs. It's a really great package and opportunity (party)
Stella180
12-05-22, 01:03 PM
Awesome news!
That's awesome! Well done him!
Allalone
12-05-22, 10:41 PM
Great news!
Strugglingmum
19-05-22, 10:21 PM
Found out this afternoon that I was unsuccessful in my recent job interview. A bit downhearted but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Here's to the next one.
Jaquaia
19-05-22, 10:33 PM
Considering how ill you were and how recently, it's bloody brilliant that you felt able to apply in the first place! Well done!
Totally agree with Jaq! You’re awesome
Jaq is totally spot on! You really are amazing. You haven't been out of hospital for long and so many things are changing/have changed, be kind to you!
Strugglingmum
02-06-22, 04:54 PM
Mr SM totally just blew me away today!! He only went and bought me a new (to me) car!!
He said he wanted to spoil me and surprise me. He chose it, sorted it all out and took me today to pick it up. Feeling very special!!
Stella180
02-06-22, 05:11 PM
Ooooh what car you got?
Strugglingmum
02-06-22, 06:00 PM
It's a Polo tsi R line. Silver and very sleek looking!!
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