From crisis to hope....I hope!!

[Suzi]

OO that's awesome! :)

[Stella180]

A VW Polo? Does Katie fit in the boot?

[Strugglingmum]

Absolutely...she used to travel in my Yaris so the Polo is a step up(rofl)

[Stella180]

That’s the important part. Can’t have you going out without your fur-baby

[Suzi]

Does the new car have a name?

[Strugglingmum]

Does the new car have a name?

Not yet Suzi, but definitely a she.

Mr SM interviewed for promotion about a month ago.... found out yesterday that he got it. So pleased. Come Monday he will be up a scale. Family dinner on Sunday. We have a lot to celebrate and be thankful for. Honestly, just the 5 of us sitting in a restaurant together is more than I could have hoped for a few short months ago.

[Suzi]

She'll need a name asap!

Congratulations to Mr SM! Well done!
I love that you're having a bit celebrationary meal on Sunday!

[Stella180]

Vera. Or Penelope.

[Strugglingmum]

Vera. Or Penelope.

No she is definitely racier than that(rofl)

[Stella180]

Racy Tracy lol

[Paula]

Jerry? (Jerry Hall)

Congrats Mr SM,

[Allalone]

Well done Mr SM!

[Suzi]

How are you doing love? Named your car yet?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm doing ok. Staying fairly stable and doing life.

Re:the car, I'm still not sure. Possibly Penelope (think)

[Suzi]

Lol!

So glad lovely. The thoughts still staying under control?

[Strugglingmum]

Thoughts are ok. Like everyone I have to rein them in a bit and stop them. I talk a lot more about what I'm thinking and will actually ask A or my friends if I'm overthinking something or totally barking up the wrong tree.
I'm Learning to acknowledge my feelings but not set up camp there. It's a lifelong journey I expect but that's ok. Life is definitely better than it was.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you. You really are totally inspirational and it sounds like your time in hospital has been really positive for you and allowed you to reset and start again with much more openness... I'm so happy for you.

[Paula]

I agree - I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk like this, and it’s really healthy

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you both.
Today we are all out for a celebration dinner. 2 new jobs, a birthday, a graduation and Io and I can celebrate being totally awesome strong warriors!!

[Suzi]

That's such and amazing celebration! Well done Family SM! Enjoy love, take lots of breaths and take it all in. Every second of awesomeness and celebration!

[Stella180]

I hope the boys are celebrating the awesomeness of the female family members too.

[Strugglingmum]

Absolutely, they were very quick to point out that I had lots to celebrate and nobody would be celebrating if I wasnt there.
We had a fab few hours altogether sharing food, laughing and connecting. I am truly blessed with this season of my life which makes me so glad I fought through the last few years.
Thank you all for encouraging me to keep going. Xx

[Paula]

That post has made me beam from ear to ear. You are a warrior

[Suzi]

That's the most epic post! Make sure you print it out and frame it to always remember this day! I'm so proud of you!

[Stella180]

You’ve done all the hard work, the credit is all yours for the taking.

[Strugglingmum]

My friend and I went out to a craft class to learn how to make paper flowers. Yes I know we could have learnt off Youtube but it was more about going out and meeting people and getting out of the house. It was great fun and relaxing. I really enjoyed it.

[Paula]

That sounds like my idea of heaven!

[Suzi]

That sounds like so much fun! Is it something you are going to continue doing? Jaq is making flowers ;)

[Strugglingmum]

Oh I'll definitely make more of them......although I'm supposed to be decluttering and getting rid of dust collectors!!(rofl)

[Suzi]

(rofl) (rofl) not dust collectors - pretty things!

[Strugglingmum]

Gosh I didnt realise it was so long since I posted!!
Life is just moving along.
I spoke to my Employment officer today in prep for an interview on Thursday and then I went out with a friend for the afternoon. I've an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow which I'm really looking forward to!!
The family are all well and working away and I'm trying to look after me.
My psychologist is pleased that I am progressing towards discharge and starting to make good connections with friends and building a support team around me to help me through to the next step of recovery.
Sometimes it blows my mind how far I've come in 6months.

[Jaquaia]

The difference in you is amazing! I hope you're so proud of yourself!

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you. You know me..... some days I manage proud.... others ......(rofl)

[Jaquaia]

I think we're all like that. You have done brilliantly though and we're all proud of you!

[Paula]

I 100% agree with Jaq. You have blown all our minds with how far you’ve come in such a short space of time. We are all so very proud of you, and so happy for you and your family!

[Suzi]

Jaq and Paula are very right. You've been working so hard to get in a better place. I couldn't be prouder of you!

If you ever wanted to do a guest post for the FB page I'd be honoured to share it!

[OldMike]

Thank you. You know me..... some days I manage proud.... others ......(rofl)

I'm proud of you it's forwards and upwards from now on.

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you so much Mike. Xx

[Strugglingmum]

Had an interview this morning.
Delighted to say I was offered and have accepted the post.
Stepping into a new future.
It was only a short time ago that my future was so so dark.
I can't believe the difference that the right meds and hours and hours of intense therapy and support have made.
I'm chuffed to bits with myself at how hard I have fought to come.
Couldn't do it without you guys.
Yes, there are tears.... but happy ones!!

[Paula]

Wow! Oh wow! That’s awesome news (party). I’m so proud of you! What’s the job?

[Flo]

WOW! Well done sweetheart! If anyone deserves a fresh start in life you do! Your lovely family must be so proud of you....we all are here I'm sure. The dark days are over for you and the light is shining brightly. You know what? You've made my day!

[Strugglingmum]

Aw thank you Paula and Flo!!

Its 12 hrs per week as a support worker for a charity working with the elderly.
I'll be visiting them at home. Assessing what help they might need eg, help to fill in benefit forms or with budgeting or just connecting them to community groups to help them live best life possible and engage with their community.

It's perfect for me and 12 hours is enough to get me started.

[Suzi]

Oh wow! Congratulations! I couldn't imagine anyone better for that role! You've got great experience with your nursing too and you'll have to make connections with lots of different groups too which will be brilliant.
You really are a complete inspiration! I'm so proud of you!

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you.
To hear my boys say they were proud of me was amazing!!

[Suzi]

Oh love, that's so awesome. Are you feeling proud of yourself?

[Strugglingmum]

I haven't stopped smiling since the offer.

I am proud of me for being brave and chasing after the future I want and being determined to not let my past dictate my future.
I am not a victim, I am not even a survivor, I am an amazing woman who has had a shit time with her mental health but is fighting for the future. Warrior princess!!!!

[Paula]

Yay!!! Love that post!

[Suzi]

Please, please, please print that out and post it all around you so you can stop and look at it each moment you may start to waver.... That is an epic post and you totally deserve a chufty badge!

[Strugglingmum]

Whooooo...... go me!! Boss lady gave me a chufty!!
SM gratefully accepts.

[Jaquaia]

Congratulations!!!! That's brilliant news! So chuffed for you!!!

[Strugglingmum]

Aarrrgghhhhh. One of my boys has tested positive!!
Praying I stay clear for starting my new job.

[Suzi]

Oh no love!! Hope it's a really mild case for them and that you don't get it!

[Paula]

When’s your first day?

[Strugglingmum]

Urghhhh, I've got Covid, feeling very rough.
Had to put off my meeting with my new employer tomorrow. I know I cant help getting Covid but I feel bad about it.
Hopefully it wont tarnish things for me when I get started

[Paula]

Oh no, hunni, I’m sorry

You couldn’t help it and I’m betting you’re not the first that has done that. They’ll understand, love

[Suzi]

Oh no love! How are you feeling? Definitely nothing you could do to stop it love, you've been taking every precaution.

[Jaquaia]

Hope it's not too bad (panda)

[Strugglingmum]

Covid is rough!!

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

Oh love, you still struggling with it?

[Jaquaia]

Hope you're resting plenty!

[Strugglingmum]

I am (panda)
Thankfully feeling a little better today.

[Jaquaia]

Good. Make sure you give yourself time to recover (panda)

[Suzi]

Glad you're beginning to feel a bit better love, make sure you carry on resting, hydrating and eating as properly as you can?

[Paula]

Couldn’t agree with Jaq and Suzi more (panda)

[Strugglingmum]

Finally a negative test result.... although a quick trip to Tesco was enough to exhaust me.
We head away tomorrow for a couple of nights so I guess we will just be taking it easy.....although I have a kayaking tour booked for Friday.

[Jaquaia]

It took me a couple of weeks to feel better, hope it's quicker for you (panda)

[Paula]

Glad it’s negative love, but take it easy, please …

[Suzi]

Take it gently. I'm so glad it's negative lovely...

Kayaking sounds awesome!

[Strugglingmum]

What a day!!! Bit of a disastrous start to our mini break but you know what.... we are still smiling, still relaxing and enjoying each other. Life is definitely flinging lemons at us this weather but we are still standing

[Suzi]

Bad weather? I bet you're going to have a great time!

[Paula]

Still enjoying each other…… and that’s what this mini break is about right?

[Strugglingmum]

Bad weather? I bet you're going to have a great time!

No gorgeous weather..... a problem with our b&b booking. Had to find somewhere else to stay, we probably will only be away 1 night instead of 2 as everywhere is booked up.


Still enjoying each other…… and that’s what this mini break is about right?

Absolutely, despite the hassle I am not a trembling heap on the floor, I'm smiling, laughing and going with the flow!

[OldMike]

Can't beat going with the flow.

[Paula]

Absolutely, despite the hassle I am not a trembling heap on the floor, I'm smiling, laughing and going with the flow!

I hope you know what an awesome post that is!

[Suzi]

Totally agree with Paula! Your posts are awesome!

[Strugglingmum]

Hey all. Slowly getting back on my feet from Covid.
I start my new job next Monday, I'm a little anxious but I think that's normal after being out of work for so long.
I swam today for the first since having Covid and I had a psychology appointment .... knackered this evening.

On the plus, my son passed his driving test today, they are all now independently mobile!! Hurrah!!
I also picked my first ripe tomato off one of my vines.

A bit of crochet, feet up and some TV is all I'm up for this evening......its so hot!!

[Paula]

Quiet day tomorrow then?

[Suzi]

Hoorah for the driving success!

Hope you're pacing a bit as well lovely...

[Strugglingmum]

Ended up visiting a friend last night.
I went to bed and couldn't get to sleep, I saw nearly 2am. Woke after 6am, finally went back to sleep and didnt waken til near 11am. Very easy day today i think. My friend's daughter is due her baby in 4 weeks and I want to do her a blanket so I need to get cracking!!

[Suzi]

How was the visit with your friend? Do you know what stopped you from sleeping?

Have you been kind to you today?

[Paula]

Good luck today!! You’ll smash it (party)

[Jaquaia]

Good luck!!!!

[Suzi]

I know you'll be there already and I know you're going to be brilliant! Can't wait to hear how it goes!

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you all.
I've had a great day.
First day of work over, 1.5hrs spent with a friend and her 5 week old baby girl....yes I nursed her the whole time and finished off the day by dining out with friends.
6 months ago I was still in hospital in crisis. Sometimes it smacks me up the face just how far I've come this year.
Very thankful for everything

[Paula]

You are incredible. But not only that, you have an awesome village behind you :)

[Jaquaia]

You're amazing!

[Suzi]

I completely agree, you are amazing and incredible. I'm in awe at how far you've come.

How many days a week are you working? Was it good?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm working 3 mornings a week. 12 hours total.
The rest of the team seem lovely. I'm still in induction mode so as you know that can be tedious but needs done.

[Suzi]

I'm so glad that the team are good - that's always half the battle!
What kind of duties do you have?

[Strugglingmum]

Visiting elderly people and supporting them with whatever needs done. Filling in forms, referring on to any other services, encouraging them to be connected to their community etc and walking through the journey with them so we maintain contact until any issues are sorted.
Its ideal for me

[Suzi]

That's amazing! What a perfect job for someone as lovely and friendly as you!

[Paula]

It’s perfect for you!

[magie06]

A perfect position for a perfect lady.

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you all

[Strugglingmum]

So first week of work completed and I'm still buzzing.

Off this morning so got the housework done early and went to the beach for a while with Katie.
Plans for the afternoon include fluids, feet up, crochet and TV...... I'm always late to the party but I've just found Virgin River on Netflix. Such an easy afternoon watch with some crochet!!

[Jaquaia]

How are you feeling?

[Paula]

I take it you’re enjoying it then? :)

[Strugglingmum]

Loving it and I'm feeling good.
Feeling very blessed with everything.

[Jaquaia]

You're awesome!

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you! I'm so glad that you are loving work! :) Definitely get those feet up and hydrate!

[magie06]

I really hope you enjoyed the beach. We're going up to Achill tomorrow. It's about 2.5 hours in the car but totally worth it.

[Strugglingmum]

Oh Achill Island is beautiful. I've only been a couple of times...... mostly in the rain!!

[Suzi]

Will you take pics?

[magie06]

I will Suzi. The beach is called Keem strand. Have a look online because it is in the top ten beaches in the world constantly.

[Suzi]

Oh my! That's a stunning beach!!! It looks like it deserves it's standing!

[Flo]

So first week of work completed and I'm still buzzing.

Off this morning so got the housework done early and went to the beach for a while with Katie.
Plans for the afternoon include fluids, feet up, crochet and TV...... I'm always late to the party but I've just found Virgin River on Netflix. Such an easy afternoon watch with some crochet!!So pleased that you love your job and that life is going well for you. I binge watched the entire new series of Virgin River! Wonder if they have a clone of Jack??(inlove) Not as nice as Nic Cage though!.....hope you enjoyed your crochet and tv!xxx

[Strugglingmum]

He definitely is my type.... a bit of a rough diamond!!

[Suzi]

So it's good then this Virgin River? :)

[Strugglingmum]

I'm enjoying it Suzi.

[Suzi]

Thank you! I'll look out for it!

[Flo]

Me too!...slurp!

[Strugglingmum]

Making the most of another good day and living by the sea. Heading out on the paddle board for a relaxing time.

[Paula]

Sounds wonderful! Have fun :)

[magie06]

That sounds lovely. It's not something that I can do, but I'm sure you're brilliant at it.

[Suzi]

How'd the paddle boarding go?

[Strugglingmum]

Spent a lovely couple of hours out on the water. It was so peaceful.

[Suzi]

That sounds idyllic!

[Strugglingmum]

Had a busy couple of days.
After work on Monday I went to sign off from and leave the day centre I had been attending and doing training there. I'd been there for over 4 yrs so it was a bit bittersweet but they are so delighted to see me well and thriving and working.... 1 of their success stories.

Yesterday I swam after work, I was tired when I got home so I kind of lazed for a bit but finally got a large crochet blanket finished last night for my friend's expectant daughter.
Work today, rest day tomorrow then a catch up day with my bestie on Friday.
Finding a new rhythm to live by but enjoying it.

[Paula]

You have no idea how happy that post made me. You’re an inspiration to me!

[Suzi]

Paula's right! That's an amazing post! You are fantastic! Be proud of what you are doing! So proud of you!

[magie06]

It sounds as though you are enjoying your new job. When I see how well you are doing, it spurs me on to try to do more.

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you all so much.
Had a fantastic catch up with my long term bestie today.
It's the first she has seen me in person since I went into hospital. She lives quite a bit away from me now. We have facetimed and spoke on the phone.

She couldn't believe how well I was today.
Her words..... you look so alive.
Yes we had a a cry when she said that.

Anyway, coffee with our church home group tomorrow morning and bbq with the group i went to the retreat with tomorrow night.
I'm making up for a lot of lost time.... but remembering to rest and take time out as well.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you! You have worked so hard to get to where you are today. Couldn't be prouder of you!

[Strugglingmum]

What a busy weekend!!
Going to work tomorrow for a rest!!

[Suzi]

Busy? Good busy I hope!

[Strugglingmum]

Oh yes, time out shopping with A and bbq with friends, family dinner, church twice on Sunday.

[Paula]

Sounds perfect :)

[Suzi]

Sounds lovely!

[Strugglingmum]

Had to take Katie to the vet this morning, so afterwards I treated us both to a walk through a country park nearby. She was great and enjoyed the walk.
It was beautiful here this morning but its clouding up a bit now. Sounds like some crochet and tv is called for!

Io was here for tea last night. We had a decent talk and she opened up slightly. She is still waiting for DBT. She has been told it will be group therapy and 1 to 1 therapy.
I hope and pray it helps her put some demons to rest and gives her the tools she needs to live well with her EUPD

[Paula]

Is Katie ok?

Im so glad Io is able to open up to you a bit now, it’s wonderful to see your relationship changing and renewing

[Strugglingmum]

Is Katie ok?

She has a lump which vet says is a cyst and just to watch for now

Im so glad Io is able to open up to you a bit now, it’s wonderful to see your relationship changing and renewing

Still a way to go but yes, any improvement is welcome

[Suzi]

Poor Katie!

I'm so glad that things are improving with you and Io, it's fabulous to hear.

[Strugglingmum]

Io spent 9 hrs with us yesterday and was in great form.
It's so good to have that relationship healing.

I've walked Katie and then went back out to pick blackberries. I noticed the hedges full of them whilst out with Katie so I have a large bowl of them.
Planning on making jam with them.

[Paula]

How is Katie?

[Strugglingmum]

Katie is ok.
The cyst hasn't burst but hasn't grown either.
I'm hoping it will go down on its own

[magie06]

Oh yummy. I love blackberry jam.

[Suzi]

I'm so glad you got to spend time with Io. It seems that it's all going in the right direction. I'm so pleased for you all...

I love blackberry jam making! I'll have to drag my kids out to pick some so we can make some too!

[Strugglingmum]

Went for a quick swim after work but then came home and turned my blackberry haul into jam!
I've just tasted some and it tastes good!

Was out at church tonight too.... glad it's my day off tomorrow!!

[Suzi]

So busy! Still enjoying the swim? I love blackberry jam... I might have to drag my two off to find some blackberries...........

Recharge day tomorrow?

[Paula]

Oo yummmm

[Strugglingmum]

So Thursday is my scheduled 'me day'
I'm off work, I don't make plans for a Thursday so i can wait and see how I feel and what I feel like doing.

I crochet, potter in the greenhouse, read and just relax. If I feel like it I'll meet a friend or go out for coffee or lunch. I might go for a walk or do some yoga.

An absolute recharge day and I have even learnt not to beat myself up about 'being lazy'!!

[Paula]

What an awesome idea!

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for scheduling you that time and seeing how important it is to care for you!

[Strugglingmum]

26 years married today!!
So so thankful for my Mr who has stood by me through everything.
Is he perfect? No, but neither am I so we work well.

I could cry when I think of how blessed I am to still be here with him, having a future. It could all have been so different and empty.

[Paula]

Happy anniversary!

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you! Happy anniversary lovely!

[Suzi]

How are you love? Everything going ok?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm good thanks. I've had a couple of crazy busy weeks but all good.
I'm learning to juggle life with a job but still building in time for the things that keep me well. I have learnt to prioritise me at some stage of the day to check in with myself and acknowledge what my need is at that time and actually meet that need......
I know.... shocking!!!

[Suzi]

That's such an amazing post! I'm so pleased for you! Are you still enjoying the job?

[Paula]

Wow!!

[Strugglingmum]

That's such an amazing post! I'm so pleased for you! Are you still enjoying the job?

I am enjoying having a purpose outside of my mental health, something else to focus on for a while. I think it's been really good for me

[Suzi]

You're amazing! I'm so proud of you and pleased for you!

[Strugglingmum]

Yesterday would have been mum's birthday. I thought about her and smiled. That is so different to the depths I have sunk to in previous years. Friday is the anniversary of her death and I'm not filled with dread. I miss her, I might even shed a tear or two but it's not ripping me apart. Amazing what the right meds, therapy and lots of support and prioritising self care can do.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you love. So glad things are going so well for you x

[Jaquaia]

The change in you is amazing! I am so proud of you and how far you've come

[Paula]

I’m so happy for you. You, of anybody, deserve happiness and peace in your heart

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you all. I'm pretty proud of me too.
We all deserve to find our peace and it has been a long hard journey to find mine. Thank you all for carrying me through when I wanted to give up.

[Paula]

Always

[Suzi]

We will ALWAYS be there for you x

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks guys.
Today is mum's anniversary. I am feeling a bit sad but I'm acknowledging it and not running terrified from it. A self care day which has started with a ham and cheese toastie for breakfast because...why the hell not!!

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you. Sending loads of squishy hugs as anniversaries can be horrible...
I'm loving the awareness and the acceptance you're doing atm. Long may it last!

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Strugglingmum]

I felt a bit off colour a couple of days this week so yesterday I did very little and just relaxed. Today I had a lovely beach walk to recharge.
I've been very busy over past couple of weeks so I think it all just caught up with me.
Taking it quite gentle the rest of today too

[Paula]

Good. You are awesome!

[Suzi]

So proud of you! The beach looked amazing!

[Strugglingmum]

So have to be honest and say my mood has dropped slightly. I dont know why. I think I'm still struggling to fit everything in with working now.
It's not awful but I am aware of a bit of a drop.
This week I need to prioritise swimming, yoga, walking and healthy eating and drinking.

[Paula]

Thank you for being honest. Does A know?

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for talking about this. There are always going to be drops and some amazingly great times...

Have you been doing all the housework. cooking, cleaning, walking Katie etc as well as working?
I'm very impressed that you are open and honest and that you are going to prioritise some self care.

[Strugglingmum]

I've been talking to A about it. Yes I have been trying to do everything on top of working because I feel like I should be able to manage. We have already discussed that if it isn't working out we will reassess at Christmas.

[Suzi]

You can't do everything love... You are amazing and fabulous, but not as superhuman as you think you are... Let others help..

[Jaquaia]

You're not the only one who lives there, let them help. Prioritise Katie as that befits you too (panda)

[Paula]

Jaq is right, you need to do the things that work for your mental health. If the rest doesn’t get done by someone else, the roof won’t fall in….

[Strugglingmum]

You are all right of course. Definitely a bit better this week though I am tired but prioritising what I need

[Suzi]

Is that placing priorities on pacing and stuff that you need to do to be able to keep healthy?

[Strugglingmum]

Yip I'm taking time to walk, swim and trying to connect.
It's all just taking a bit more effort than it was.

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

I'm sorry it's taking more effort, but you've got this. You need to focus on more of the good for the soul stuff....

Are you still enjoying your job love? Have you managed to talk to your family to get some more help?

[Strugglingmum]

I am enjoying most of the job...sometimes I find it hard to fill time.... I am used to working full speed so I tend to do jobs quickly, i need to pace a bit better.
I think I'm probably experiencing what a lot of people are, cost of living, family issues, etc. It just takes me to be careful not to let it overwhelm me. My psychologist was supposed to be discharging me last week but she is keeping me on for another while.

[Paula]

Im glad you were able to talk to your psychiatrist, and that she’s keeping you on. You are so important, and your health is a priority

[Suzi]

Good, I think that sounds really sensible. Give you chance to have those appointments whilst you're changing things - also as the seasons change too..

[Strugglingmum]

Late on Saturday night. Come home from spending the day with friends and get a call to say our daughter is very drunk on a beach and has damaged herself and waiting on an ambulance coming. Both her brothers had rushed to be with her... they are awesome, but our hearts break for the pain our daughter is in mentally and physically.
Its hard sitting at home waiting for news.

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

How is she? And how are you? (panda)

[Suzi]

Oh love, that's so scary. How is she? Are you OK?
Sweetheart are you being kind to you today?

[Paula]

(panda) have you heard anything?

Hunni, you know this is not on you, right?

[Strugglingmum]

She was discharged from hospital this morning. She doesnt know that we know so I cant even talk to her about it. She doesn't want us to know/ be involved etc. Heartbroken

[Suzi]

Oh angel, I thought things were getting better. Do you know what happened?

[Strugglingmum]

Only what we hear 3rd hand. I'm tired and glad I have a psychology appointment tomorrow.

[Suzi]

It sounds such a horrible thing to be dealing with lovely. I'm glad you have the psychologist tomorrow too hunni. Tell her everything..

[Paula]

Hugs lovely (panda)

[Suzi]

How are you hunni?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm ok. Was good to talk it all through with my psychologist.
Definitely trying to prioritise things that fill my bucket.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you talked it all through lovely.
Have you heard from her or your boys about what happened?

[Strugglingmum]

So yesterday evening we had breakthrough. Io started talking and we managed to have a good straight talk about things and where she is at.
She has made the decision to take a break from work and her training as she is too unwell at the moment and needs time to focus on getting into a better place mentally.
It is a step forward to opening the lines of communication again and A and Me are so pleased to have a connection with her again

[Jaquaia]

That sounds really positive! How are you doing?

[Suzi]

OMG that's so awesome! I'm so thrilled!

[Paula]

That’s wonderful! For you two and for Io. She needs you right now

[Strugglingmum]

It is a relief and I'm coping with it all much better now she is talking!!

[Suzi]

I'm so glad that she is talking to you love.

[Flo]

Jolly good...it's great that the two of you can talk...that's the most important thing....I'm sure all will be well.xxx

[Suzi]

How are things going love?

[Strugglingmum]

Things with Io are a bit more settled. She is slowly catching up on months of poor sleep and seems a lot less stressed since leaving work. We are taking it 1 day at a time.

I'm constantly tired and everything is taking a bit more effort but I'm trying to keep up with self care and things that fill my bucket. Life is just a bit tougher at the moment but that's life really isn't it. Can't always be on top of the world.

[Paula]

Where is she living atm?

I ‘m glad you’re aware of how you’re doing, and you’re keeping up with your self care etc. Is it worth another chat with your doctor?

[Suzi]

It shows your tenacity to keep with being able to see where you need to practise more self care etc, that's so important.
I'm so pleased that Io is talking and settling. Was work a trigger for her?

[Strugglingmum]

Work wasn't a trigger exactly but her sleep was terrible, she has a very physical job, she was starting to not be in best performance so that was getting her down, then she just spiralled from there. She is still living in her own flat but she is around here quite a lot. She definitely is quite needy at the moment and we are trying to be there for her as much as possible whilst still keeping our own stuff going.

[Suzi]

That's so fab that she's spending more time with you. Are you coping OK?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm coping, just not on top of the world itms.
It's harder to make myself look after myself.... too much bother but I'm trying to force myself to do it.

[Paula]

Do you need encouraging?

[Suzi]

What things are you building in for self care atm? What about the fun stuff that fills your bucket of joy? Swimming? Walking Katie? Baking? Crochet for a hobby, not just a business?

[Strugglingmum]

I didn't realise it had been so long since I wrote on my own thread!
I'm doing ok. I have had a flare of symptoms recently but I'm staying aware and trying to make adjustments. My psychologist has suggested that working might not be right at this time but I'm keeping going..... it was suggested I'm a bit stubborn(think)

I've been busy with work, family, and a ton of other stuff so I'm trying to be more careful to build in things to fill my bucket.

I feel like I've realised things are slipping and I'm doing what I need to to try and stop it.

Anyway, that sounds negative but I am still finding joy in my dog and A and my faith so that's all positive

[Paula]

What does A think about you working? Does he think it helps?

[Strugglingmum]

If I want to work he supports me, if I want to stop he supports me. He just wants me to stay well, whatever it takes

[Suzi]

What about the idea of you not working how do you feel?
?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm determined to keep working through. I fought hard to get where I am and learn the skills to keep me there. If i need to learn new skills then I'll learn new skills.
I guess I am a bit stubborn about it

[Paula]

You will still have those skills 6 months down the line

[Suzi]

There's being stubborn (of which most of us are totally guilty of) but there's also pushing through when you should have rested.... I know that you're very much like us and will keep pushing, but will you please ask A to keep an eye on you too? Tell him exactly how you are feeling and the little things to look out for.

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks ladies. A is keeping a close eye as is my psychologist, GP and employment officer.

[Paula]

I’m so proud of you :)

[Suzi]

That's awesome. I'm so proud of you for being so open.

[Strugglingmum]

It was my middle one's birthday today. Had a lovely family meal out to celebrate.
Been a quiet weekend otherwise, but just what I needed.

[Suzi]

He looked really happy in the photos...
How are you doing? Honestly?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm doing ok. Trying to keep things on an even keel.
Talking to A loads and just doing each day as it comes.

[Suzi]

I'm really proud of you for talking things over with A lots! Are you being totally upfront and honest with him about how you're feeling?

[Strugglingmum]

Yes, I think the biggest change in me is that I talk a lot easier to him about things.

Have an urgent appointment with my consultant next week.

May be changing my role in work which I think I will enjoy but I've put it out there that I'm interested but with a few provisos!!
My boss seems keen but we'll see what happens. I'm not stressing about it. I'm just focussed on looking after me and I think this role may actually help me do that easier and still be able to stay in work.

[Suzi]

What's the new role? Better hours?

Have you asked for the urgent appointment? Are you struggling more than you're saying?

[Paula]

You ok,hunni, truly?

[Strugglingmum]

My GP requested the urgent appointment

Basically I have had a flare of symptoms.
Added to that my GP had to reduce the medication I take at night that helps with my overnight symptoms...nightmares etc.... because it was dropping my BP too much and I kept fainting. This has caused more disruption to my sleep with nightmares.
My GP doesn't know what to do for the best so wants me to see my consultant so we can nip things in the bud before I completely spiral and end up ill.

The different role in work is more of a coordinator role, managing a team of volunteers and the Good Morning Call scheme. I've been filling in doing it for a couple of weeks and its busy but not stressful itms.

[Paula]

Im so glad your GP is on it, and relieved you were honest with them :)

[Suzi]

I'm so glad that you have a good GP who is supporting you in this.

Would the change in role mean less hours?

[Jaquaia]

I hope you can see how far you have come (panda)

[Suzi]

I agree. It's amazing that you're actually talking about what's going on for you with us and with A and with your care team. I'm proud of you!

[Strugglingmum]

Thank you ladies.
The new role is 16 hpw

[Suzi]

Is that more of less than you are doing now?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm currently contracted for 12 but have been doing about 18 the last couple of weeks.

[Suzi]

Could that be part of why you are struggling?

[Strugglingmum]

Its probably not helping my tiredness but my symptoms were flaring before that.

[Suzi]

Fair enough. It's awesome that you are self aware enough to notice

[Strugglingmum]

Had an appointment with my consultant this week. He wants to consult with a colleague to decide where to go with my meds.
I've been poorly past couple of days with a flu virus type thing. Literally been going to work and then coming home to sleep.
Getting my priorities a bit mixed up.

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry to hear you've been poorly.
What priorities are you getting mixed up?
I'm glad you spoke to your Consultant and I'm glad they're going to check with their colleague rather than making mistakes...

[Paula]

Work before health you mean? What else did your consultant say?

[Strugglingmum]

I have been prioritising work over health. I've fallen into my old hole of needing to please, not saying no, dont want to disappoint anyone.
I definitely need to adjust my mindset to do my job, do it well and stop jumping to agree to anything over.
It's so hard to stop being a people pleaser!!

[Paula]

Do they know about your mental health? Would you feel comfortable explaining to your boss what you’ve just said to us?

[Suzi]

It is hard, but essential lovely..

[Strugglingmum]

I'm still feeling really poorly with this virus. I'm spending today on the sofa with Christmas movies.

[Paula]

Big hugs, lovely

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart I hope you're planning on resting all weekend...

[Strugglingmum]

Finally shaking off that terrible virus and feeling a bit more human. I cooked Christmas dinner for our seniors lunch club on Monday, it was such a pleasure to see so many happy faces.

My consultant finally decided on a plan which includes pregabalin. I'm a bit nervous about it as I've heard so many stories about it but I'm running out of options so I'll give it a go.

[Paula]

I was given pregabalin for my pain but it really helps my anxiety too. Personally, I don’t have any issues with it (except if I’m late/miss a dose) except a bit of brain fog, but it’s worth it for me

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks Paula