From crisis to hope....I hope!!

[Jaquaia]

Pregabalin made a huge difference to my anxiety too

[Suzi]

It's a drug that I call my nemesis drug. I have symptoms and I react fast to being late for a dose, but without it I can't move. I honestly don't think I'd be able to do anything...

[Strugglingmum]

Was in Matalan buying boxers for 1 of my sons.
I picked up a 3 pk knickers for myself. Stood at till and realised I was standing trying to justify in my head the fact that I was buying myself knickers!!!
Flip sake most of mine have holes in them and i feel the need to justify buying new ones. Seriously need to do some work on my thinking!!

By the way..... hey are very nice knickers!!(giggle)

[Suzi]

Woohoo for nice knickers

[Paula]

So many treasons why its important to have nice knockers! I’m so glad you didn't talk yourself out of buying them

[Jaquaia]

Oh nice knockers are good too Paula (giggle)

[Strugglingmum]

Ok you all know I'm as flat as a pancake, would love to buy a nice pair of knockers!!(rofl)

[Paula]

(rofl)((rofl)

[Suzi]

(rofl) (rofl) (rofl) that made me laugh so much. Thank you all!

[Strugglingmum]

Finished work for the holidays!
I haven't started my pregabalin yet as I was worried about side effects and not being well. I'm going to start while I'm off so hopefully I will be used to it before I go back to work.

[Jaquaia]

Fingers crossed it helps!

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks Jaq

[Suzi]

I didn't have many side effects starting it. Maybe just a bit sleepy. Hope it helps lovely.

[Strugglingmum]

Just in from midnight communion.
Happy Christmas everyone. X

[Jaquaia]

Happy Christmas SM x

[Paula]

Happy Christmas! I managed to get to midnight communion too, it was wonderful :)

[Suzi]

So glad you got there both of you!

Happy Christmas love x

[magie06]

Happy Christmas to all in your home.

[Strugglingmum]

Hope everyone had good parts to their day.
Had a lovely peaceful day with my family, very chilled and lovely food and gifts. We are so blessed.

Tomorrow all the hubby's family are coming for dinner..... a not so peaceful day!! (think)

[Strugglingmum]

Boxing day last year I was admitted to hospital in severe MH crisis.
This year I am hosting all my hubby's family for dinner.

Life can get better. Please never give up. Keep fighting. Keep hanging in there. Keep reaching out for help. X

[Jaquaia]

You are AMAZING!!!!

[Suzi]

Boxing day last year I was admitted to hospital in severe MH crisis.
This year I am hosting all my hubby's family for dinner.

Life can get better. Please never give up. Keep fighting. Keep hanging in there. Keep reaching out for help. X

I'd love to share this on the FB group if you didn't mind.
I'm so proud of you to have worked so hard over this year. You are inspirational.

[Strugglingmum]

Of course you can share. Xx

[Paula]

That is the most amazing post!

[Strugglingmum]

Successful dinner with the in laws. I stayed calm, didn't stress.
That's a win....... the glass of wine before they arrived might have helped too(giggle)

[magie06]

Well done you! You are amazing. Congratulations!!

[Suzi]

Well done! Will share on Wednesday ;) Thank you

[Strugglingmum]

A good walk by the shore this morning with A and Katie.
Wet and windy so home to a big bowl of soup and a turkey sandwich. It must be Christmas!!

[Paula]

Ooo lovely

[Suzi]

Sounds like a lovely day!

[Strugglingmum]

Spent some time playing with my Christmas present today.
Got a lovely sewing machine from Santa.
Went for a swim too.
Having lots of lie-ins and catching up on sleep.
A relaxing break from everything. Is it wrong that I would love a day in the house by myself to just completely chill.

[Paula]

Not wrong, sounds awesome!

[Suzi]

OO how's the sewing machine going?
Doesn't sound wrong at all, it sounds lovely!

[Strugglingmum]

I'm loving the machine.
I've booked a class to learn how to sew properly and do something for me and learn something new. I've already done a taster class and made a tote bag so I'm excited for the next one in January.

[Suzi]

That sounds awesome!

[Strugglingmum]

Just wondering if anyone has ever tried or considered hypnotherapy??

[Suzi]

I haven't, but I wouldn't be oppose to trying...

[Paula]

I wanted to but the therapist we asked (an old school friend of Si’s) said she wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole with my chronic illnesses

[Suzi]

I have had the same issues... Apparently, I'm too medically interesting for anyone to try it...

[Strugglingmum]

I'm considering it to see if it would help with sleep. I would talk it over with my team first but surely it would be better than just keeping adding meds

[Suzi]

Maybe talk it over with them to keep them in the loop?

[Strugglingmum]

I dont really understand how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling his way but I'll try to explain in case anyone has any suggestions.

I'm really struggling with realising how ill I was this time last year. I had a lovely walk with Katie today but as I passed the quarry that I almost threw myself into last year it really hit me that I almost wasn't here.
Instead of feeling relief I feel like a huge weight of recovery hanging on me. Like I have come so far but it's like the responsibility of staying well is overwhelming me.
Does anything make any sense???
It's like I'm afraid of not being able to stay well. It's such a struggle at times, especially since my symptoms have been flaring over past few months.

I feel the weight of people's expectations of me to manage and stay well. Staying positive all the time is exhausting. I have done a lot of resting and sleeping over the holidays so I should be feeling energised but I actually feel overwhelmed and afraid.
I'm ashamed to confess it.
Everyone sees me as well and I feel like I have to keep up the mask to please everyone. A is the only person I can be totally honest with.

[Paula]

Everything that happened was a huge trauma and, no matter how far you’ve come (and you have) it will take time to recover from that trauma. Unfortunately, with this illness, there isn’t a fixed place or time that triggers us, it surrounds us, our lives, which is part of the reason, I believe, that recovery is so tough. So, yes, people are right when they comment on how well you’re doing, but mostly they will have no idea just how much of a challenge it is every day to continue that recovery. And just how exhausting that it.

Love, you don’t have to be positive all the time - that’s not in the human nature and is additional effort you just don’t need to deal with. It’s truly ok to have a crappy day (or week), or feel fragile, and not to be scared it’s a relapse. It’s also ok to tell people you’re feeling crappy/fragile, and either ask for help or tell everybody to leave you alone.

[Jaquaia]

What Paula said. You're doing brilliantly but we say that because we know how hard you have fought to get well. If you relapse then we'll still be here waving pompoms and cheering you on. If you have a bad day, exactly the same.

[Suzi]

Paula and Jaq are totally spot on. You've been through a significant trauma being as poorly as you were. Yes you've worked really hard to get better, but love no-one is positive 100% of the time. It's totally not going to help to try to put that pressure on yourself. Everyone, has good days and not so good days...
I'm glad you're talking to A, but hunni you know we're here too..

[Strugglingmum]

Haven't posted in a while...mainly because I dont have anything to say.
Since I started pregabalin I have very little energy. I need a kick to get me going.
I went to another sewing class at the weekend which was really great... I made a pair of pyjama bottoms.
Other than work I haven't done very much.

[Paula]

I hope the side effects stop soon…. (panda)

[Suzi]

You made PJ bottoms? That sounds awesome!

How bad is the side effects with the preg?

[Strugglingmum]

The worst thing has been the tiredness. It's like total draining exhaustion and brain fog. I was a bit nauseated and constipated but that soon eased but the fatigue remains.

[Jaquaia]

Hopefully it will start easing soon. In the meantime, be kind to you (panda)

[Suzi]

How long have you been on that dose?

[Strugglingmum]

Since the 22nd December.

[Suzi]

OK, so almost a month. Id it bothering you enough to call and talk to someone and tell them that you're struggling with the side effects?

[Strugglingmum]

I told my psychologist I would phone my GP this week but I haven't. I thought things had improved slightly but no. I would put up with it if it was being effective against my symptoms but it's not. I'm a bit fed up tbh. I feel like just stopping taking the lot.... dont worry, I won't, I'm just frustrated

[Paula]

Withdrawal on this is horrible, and I’d highly recommend not doing that……can you call the dr today?

[Suzi]

Definitely don't just stop taking it. What dose are you on? This is my nemesis drug - I hate it and the side effects, but I know how bad things are for me without taking it...

Talk to your Dr love, call them now - but please, please, please don't just stop...

[Strugglingmum]

I've been told today that my father is entering his last days. Not sure how I'm feeling. A bit numb tbh

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Suzi]

OO that's a double-edged sword... Do you want to talk about it love?

[Strugglingmum]

I dont know. I have to decide whether I go to see him. I've been nc for over a year. Will i regret not going? Do I want to go for me or just to keep peace with my siblings? Will it destabilise me to go at a time when things are already a bit rocky.

[Paula]

If it was just you, would you go?

[Suzi]

I dont know. I have to decide whether I go to see him. I've been nc for over a year. Will i regret not going? Do I want to go for me or just to keep peace with my siblings? Will it destabilise me to go at a time when things are already a bit rocky.

I know for me, I've kind of wanted to make sure they are gone - definitely not going to pay respects, which may sound odd, but it's why I went to my grandmothers funeral.

As you know I had a rocky relationship with my mother and it's through going through counselling I'm seeing how f*d up it really was.. I had a long chat with Marc when I was struggling with going and being the dutiful daughter when she was ill. He said to me that for him with his own Dad that he had to separate him into 2 different people - one the nice guy who would do what they could to help, was funny etc and the second - the complete ars*hole who treated everyone like shit when he was drinking.... I adopted this with my Mum and although it was really, really hard it meant that I only went to see the person who wasn't narcissistic, controlling and bitchy, just the one who was ill, lost and scared and I could help her with that and it meant I got to say my goodbye too itms?

BUT only you knows what you want/need to do - could you talk it through with A? Does he know what happened? What about your psychologist?

[Strugglingmum]

Sorry guys just letting you know my father died today. Funeral is hopefully on Thursday.

[Jaquaia]

How are you doing? (panda)

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

SM, how are you doing love? Do you want to talk?

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks guys. I'm ok at the moment. Dont think it has really sunk in. I'm feeling quite numb about it all.

[Suzi]

That doesn't surprise me at all. Here for you whenever lovely xx

[Strugglingmum]

Today was my father's funeral. I'm glad this day is over.

[Jaquaia]

How are you? (panda)

[Strugglingmum]

I'm struggling with having a very different reality to everyone else.
Maybe I got everything completely wrong. Surely everyone else cant be wrong??

[Paula]

Yeah they can, they don’t know your life…..

[Jaquaia]

That's because your reality was different and that is not down to you, that is all on him. You haven't remembered wrong.

Sending you lots of hugs (panda)

[Suzi]

I completely agree with Paula and Jaq.
Definitely not the same, but I went to my grandmother's funeral just to check she was dead. Sitting there and listening to people sharing lovely memories was so bizarre, I literally had no idea who this woman was they were talking about... Just because our reality was different, it definitely doesn't make you "wrong." This is a complete head f*ck love, you have to be kind to you, talk - especially to those who know what happened. Have you told Ali about it?

[Strugglingmum]

Yes and my Pastor and a couple of friends. They came yesterday to stand by my side which was very much appreciated.
I have an appointment with my psychologist on Monday....... I guess we have a lot to talk about.

[Jaquaia]

You're doing brilliantly. He, on the other hand, is burning for what he did. You, my love, are epic and awesome, and your best revenge is to live well. Lean on us and those around you while you process how you feel, but I am so, so proud of you for your strength and just thoroughly kicking arse!

[Paula]

Couldn’t agree more!

[Suzi]

Sweetheart I'm so proud of you for telling people. I am so proud of you..

[Jaquaia]

How are you doing lovely?

[Suzi]

I was wondering if you have any plans for self care this weekend?

[Strugglingmum]

Tbh it's been a tough couple of weeks but I think that is to be expected. My thoughts are a bit all over the place and the slightest thing makes me question myself.

This weekend I have a lot of crochet to do but I'll get a lot done watching the rugby tomorrow. I used to be a huge rugby fan but like a lot of things I lost my passion for since I became unwell but I'm looking forward to the 6 nations. I'm totally out of touch with players etc but I'm not going to let that put me off.

Oh tomorrow I'm going out for lunch with my middle one too so I'm looking forward to being with him. He is very good to me and loves me well.

I'm off work next week so I'm going to take time to do some things I haven't made time for recently like swimming and walking, it really will be a self care week.

[Suzi]

It will be a difficult week love, keep talking about it. You're dealing with so much right now. Be really gentle with yourself lovely, it's so easy to try pushing through when you need to stop and rest for a bit. Maybe adding in a tea break now and again would help?

Have a great lunch tomorrow love! Of course he loves you, you're amazing.

[Jaquaia]

That sounds like it's exactly what you need.

Some cracking thighs in rugby ;)

[Strugglingmum]

A good day.
Great rugby and a fab result for Ireland.
Lovely lunch out with my son. Lots of crochet and finished the day snuggling on the couch with the hubby and dog.

[Suzi]

Those are great.

How are you doing today lovely?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm ok. We went to church this morning which always gives me a lift.
Our central heating isnt working so camping out in the kitchen where we have the super ser. Only source of heat today.

[Suzi]

Oh no! Glad you've all got somewhere to camp out and get warm! I hope it's not too cold for you over there atm..

[Flo]

Oh dear! I know what no heating is like.....it happened to us a couple of months ago. Hope yo get it sorted soon. Yes, rugby has been great. Zoe was most put out when Scotland beat England again..but it was all good fun.I'm an Ireland fan too! Hope you're all well.xx

[Strugglingmum]

Life is definitely a bit overwhelming at the moment. I dont even know why but it is.
Psychology appointment on Monday was really tough. Had an appointment with my employment officer yesterday.... I'm seriously considering leaving my job and I have a physio appointment today. I'm going to go for a walk first now that I'm out of work and try breathe.

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Paula]

A walk sounds sensible, hunni

Do you think your job is an issue? I know you were excited to begin with but it does seem to have been a struggle recently.

Do you want to talk about psychology?

[Suzi]

I agree, sweetheart you've not been checking in here as much as you were - could that be something adding to the stress? When did you last go swimming? Are you still trying to do everything for everyone too?

[Strugglingmum]

By the time I do my job I have no spoons left for anything so I haven't been doing the things that help. I know I should be and need to kick myself on the butt to try.

The job is not difficult, the people are nice but its draining me... i dont know why.
My symptoms are all over the place and have been since before Christmas, I dont seem to be able to get a handle on them at all.
Ali wants me to leave work to concentrate on looking after me and I think he is right as does my psychologist but I don't feel brave enough to hand in my notice, it's easier to just keep plodding on even though I know it won't help me get better again.
I know it doesn't make sense but I dont like letting people down or leaving them in the lurch....we are so short staffed.
I feel a bit of a failure tbh

[Paula]

You’re not a failure. But you do have to prioritise you - it’s not that long ago you were very seriously ill and you need to make sure you do all you can not to go back to that place. Keeping on top of mental health is bloody hard and takes a lot of resources, maybe that needs to be your ‘job’?

[Suzi]

Paula's totally right. If it was one of us in your position, what would you say to us?
I worry that you're struggling and you aren't able to fit in the things you need to do to stay well. I know you feel like a failure, but you aren't, you've identified you're struggling, and you aren't able to do things that help, that Ali is worried about you and wants you to quit - the same with your psychologist... Maybe you need to listen to them?

[Strugglingmum]

Oh I do feel I should take a break from working, I'm just too chicken to resign. Confrontation and assertiveness are not my friends right now.

[Suzi]

Not too chicken...

[Paula]

Do you think there’d be confrontation? Or maybe they would understand you need to prioritise your health?

[Suzi]

How are you today love?

[Strugglingmum]

I slept late so I'm only getting going. I've washing on the line and heading to do the weekly shop.
I'm always a bit better on the days I dont work.

[Suzi]

Are you planning on resting and pacing today?

[Strugglingmum]

I've been quite lazy since I came back with the shopping. House is full and I'm struggling with them all being here at once

[Paula]

That’s not being lazy, love, that’s using your resources where they’re needed

[Suzi]

Definitely not lazy. Hunni how's your mood right now? I've noticed you are more aware of everyone being around you when things are harder...

[Strugglingmum]

Yes Suzi, its definitely something that let's me know I'm struggling and not at my best...or even close to it.

Nice to see them all but I'm only capable of doing it in small doses atm

[Suzi]

I can understand that love. Does A know that you're feeling a bit fuzzy round the edges? Can I do a quick check in that you're still taking your meds as prescribed? You're eating and drinking sensibly?

[Strugglingmum]

A knows I'm struggling. I am much better about talking to him about how I'm doing. Yip, taking meds as prescribed. Got a letter today for a review with my consultant in a few weeks

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for talking to A and letting him know what's going on... You've had a lot to get your head around recently...

[Strugglingmum]

My daughter turned 21 yesterday. We did cake etc last night at home but tonight we are going out for dinner to celebrate.
Love it when we can all get together.

[Paula]

Happy birthday! Proper adult ;)

[Suzi]

Happy birthday to her! Hope you have a wonderful dinner out tonight!

[Strugglingmum]

Had a really lovely night out with the family. We laughed and joked together and it was really the lift I needed..... I even had a glass of wine. Food was delicious.

I spoke to my boss yesterday and told her I was thinking of leaving as my health wasn't good and I am not coping well at present. She doesnt want me to leave so we have a plan that in 2 weeks I will take some extended unpaid leave with the door left open for me to go back and do 1 day a week when and if I'm ready.

[Suzi]

Brilliant about last night! So glad you had a wonderful time!

I'm so proud of you for talking about how you are feeling and how it's affecting you. It's brilliant that you've come up with a plan together. Sounds like a really good compromise.

[Paula]

Of course she wants to keep you - you’re amazing! That does sound like a good plan, well done, lovely

[Strugglingmum]

It's been a very busy week already and I've booked myself on a 2 day Asist course today and tomorrow. Timing could have been better but the opportunity presented itself.

[Paula]

Can you rest when you get time?

[Suzi]

What's the course about? As Paula asks, can you try resting in the gaps?

[Strugglingmum]

It's an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training.
It's a mental health first aid course.
It's good but a lot to take in.

[Suzi]

Sounds challenging. Are you coping OK with it? Do you have support if you need it?

Apart from that, are you OK? You seem a little flat love. Have you thought more about your job?

[Paula]

That does sound tough. How’s it going?

[Strugglingmum]

It's a 2 day course so half way through.
I'm managing ok with it.
I am a bit flat with my symptoms flared. Its tiring.

[Paula]

Will you be resting this weekend?

[Suzi]

I agree, I think it sounds like you need to prioritise some self-care and some rest love. Are you taking a break from your job for a bit??

[Strugglingmum]

I have my niece's baby shower tomorrow and dinner with friends in the evening. Tomorrow I sleep until I waken.
I have organised a 2 month unpaid leave. I finish on Wednesday.

[Suzi]

Glad you're going to sleep in a bit lovely. Are you OK? Your posts don't sound like you atm...
How are you feeling about taking the time off? Do you have support in place?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm doing ok. I'm looking forward to time off. I'm taking it to try and look after me more. I dont have a load of spoons atm so I need them all for self care. Atm they are being used up at work and there are none left for me and the things I need to do to fill my bucket like swimming, walking, connecting etc.

My symptoms have flared since before Christmas so I'm a bit weary of it all but I'm fighting them. I haven't got the energy to work AND fight my symptoms so I'm putting me first and dropping the job for a while. I've initially got 2 months but that can be extended or I might decide not to go back.

[Suzi]

I really glad you're doing what's the best thing for you. That definitely seems like taking time to actually do the good things for you just as mention like swimming, walking, getting some rest and time to process what's in your head.
I'm sure you are, but are you talking it all through with Ali? The kids? How is your support network? Are you planning something positive for you this weekend?

[Paula]

That sounds like a very good plan. You’ve come so far since you were last really poorly and I know that’s because you’ve gathered all the coping tools you’ve learned around you- now it’s time to use them

[Suzi]

Totally agree with Paula. You can get through this lovely....

[Strugglingmum]

I talk it all through with A.
Family dinner today and taking Io food shopping as her anxiety stops her shopping alone and then she doesn't eat.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're being open and honest with A. That's really important.
Hope your family dinner goes well. How's Io doing?

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks Suzi, she is doing ok. Things are well improved with her since she stopped working but her anxiety is still a huge issue. She is still waiting for therapy. She has had some group therapy but is on a waiting list for individual therapy.

[Paula]

I hope the therapy comes through quickly, anxiety is so difficult to live with….

[Suzi]

I'm glad she's getting some help love...

[Strugglingmum]

I left work today..... I hope I'm doing the right thing. I know the door is open for me to go back but I'm not sure I want to, yet I'm feeling down about leaving. It's a bit messed up.

[Jaquaia]

How you're feeling is completely understandable. Give yourself time (panda)

[Paula]

(panda). I think it’s the right thing for now, can you just focus on that and heal?

[Suzi]

I can understand, but hunni it's not "goodbye" it's more of a "see you in a bit" and then take a sabbatical ;)

I think taking some time out now, might make it much better later?

[Strugglingmum]

I know I need to take the time now ir I will end up poorly again. I guess I'm a bit frustrated at myself for needing to heal again.

[Jaquaia]

On the other hand, you've recognised you need time to heal and have put yourself first. That's huge!!!

[Paula]

I read this yesterday doing my assignment. It struc a chird with me….

‘ When it comes to mental illness, recovery can mean different things. For some people, it will mean no longer having symptoms of their mental health condition. For others, it will mean managing their symptoms, regaining control of their life and learning new ways to live the life they want.

Recovery is often described as a process that isn’t always straightforward. You might have days (or weeks, or months) where you feel well and times when your symptoms return. If you’ve discovered techniques and treatments that work for you, you’re likely to feel more confident, and less overwhelmed by your symptoms.

When it comes to your recovery, think about what’s important for you and what a meaningful life would look like.’

[Suzi]

That's brilliantly written!

[Strugglingmum]

That's so true Paula. Feels like its written for me

[Suzi]

How are you doing lovely?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm really anxious this morning. I have no idea why but the butterflies are really jumping and my heart skips a beat every now and then. It's going to take a big push to leave the house to do the shopping. Its beautiful outside with just a flurry of snow.... due to where we are we rarely get snow, I would love a walk but i might feel more like it later

[Suzi]

Do you know what's causing your anxiety to be heightened?

Can you leave a big shop and compromise and pop into a shop just to grab a couple of bits so you've still beaten it, but you've changed it on your terms itms? The same with a walk, maybe make it a smaller walk, closer to home?

[Strugglingmum]

I've managed the shop which included 3 different stores.
Went into town to pick up yarn for an order but they didn't have what I wanted but I ended up buying yarn for myself for a jumper....dear knows when I'll get round to making it.
Popped into a shop to look at shirts for Cal ... didnt have what I wanted...bought myself a blouse in the sale.

[Suzi]

I'm really proud of you for getting things FOR YOU!
Well done for doing all that. Have to admit I'm jealous you have a yarn shop close so you can go in person to squish it!

[Strugglingmum]

Oh Suzi, I am blessed, I have 3 wool shops to choose from!!

[Strugglingmum]

We went to meet another GSD last night who is needing rehomed. He is huge. The owner is bringing him to meet Katie today. I'm not sure but A is keen.
We will see how the meeting goes...my girl comes first!

[Paula]

Awwwwwww

[Suzi]

Awwww! My top tip with GSD's joining the house is to get your boundaries as soon as they get to you! Smart little puppies! Love GSDs ;)

[Strugglingmum]

So he is here and owner has left him for a couple of hours to see how he goes.
Katie is a bit unsure. I think she will be a bigger issue than he is.

[Suzi]

Probably - spoilt toddler behaviour to be expected lol

[Paula]

How old is he?

[Strugglingmum]

So the dog is away home. He wasn't right for us and I think the owner was relieved as the reality of giving his dog away hit him when he got home without him. The owner is going to hire a dog Walker and try to keep the dog.
Worked out all round. I'm a bit relieved as I knew I was the one would be left with both dogs as A is at work all day.

[Paula]

That sounds like the right decision then. I hope the owner is able to find a dog Walker

[Suzi]

Definitely the right decision. Besides you need to focus on you and going out with you and Katie is important to that, adding another potentially stressful thing with a new dog settling could be completely the opposite of what you need...

[Strugglingmum]

Have an appointment with my consultant tomorrow....its strange not to be going to work.

[Paula]

Big hugs, lovely

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Suzi]

I know it's an adjustment love, but I think it's the right call going by how you are feeling recently.

Will you let us know how you get on at the consultants?

[Strugglingmum]

What a day!.
My appointment went ok. Slight change in meds. I saw a registrar rather than my consultant but he was lovely.
Then I went for a swim/float... cant swim much with my shoulder but it was good to get into the water.
I then went to Matalan to get C some shirts for work...ended up buying myself some things too...classic low mood move although I did need some new things as a lot of my clothes are too tight now.
I was halfway home when my hubby phoned asking me to collect car parts in the next big town over. I turned around and went to get something to eat first. He phoned back to say parts were not in yet, could I wait around for a couple of hours.
I was scared to go near the shops in case i spent more so walked around local woods, collected the parts and then drove them to the mechanic. Having a well deserved cup of tea and wondering if I have grounds for divorce!! :x

[Jaquaia]

What have you done to your shoulder? I hope he's treating you at the very least!!!

[Strugglingmum]

I have really bad shoulder pain with reduced movement. Physio says it's not a true frozen shoulder but could be a calcified tendon. I didnt injure it....it just has got gradually worse over past few months. Apparently menopause shoulder is a thing!!
Menopause....the gift that keeps giving.

[Jaquaia]

Ouch!! Hope it eases soon (panda)

[Paula]

Apparently my hip problem is because of ‘lower oestrogen’ so I totally emphasise…..

[Suzi]

Bloody menopause!
Sounds like you've had a really busy and frustrating day! I'm glad you got yourself some clothes that fit love, it's important... YOU are important.

[Strugglingmum]

So I know I'm probably just being silly but my boss removed me from my work WhatsApp group and it really got me.
I'm telling myself that she just doesn't want me being bothered by work stuff but I know they have someone new in doing my job and my insecurities are banging loudly!!

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart, I can understand that hurting. I agree that it's probably to not worry you about work stuff, but I can see exactly how that could upset and hurt...

[Paula]

I think you’re right - my boss has banned anyone contacting her about work (inc me and we’re friends) while she recovers from long covid. You don’t need the stress right now, and your boss is probably very aware of that. But I get the insecurities around it…

[Strugglingmum]

Had a catch up with my support worker today, went for a swim/float and managed to swim a few more lengths this time. Have an appointment with my psychologist soon and then I can finally go home. Lots of crochet to be done.

[Paula]

That sounds busy.you ok?

[Strugglingmum]

I have definitely hit my limit for the day. I'm sitting watching tv and doing a bit of crochet.

[Suzi]

How did the psychologist go?

[Strugglingmum]

It was ok Suzi. So my prickly senses are thinking she has had enough of me and wants rid of me.
My head is saying that she cut the session a bit short because I was so visibly exhausted

[Paula]

Hunni, it’s people like you, me, and anyone who needs the care of a mental health team, who ensure they have a job! ;)

Your head is almost certainly right - it sounds like there was no point in carrying on the session as you were too exhausted to take anything more in. (panda)

[Suzi]

Did you mention to her about your prickly senses atm? You seem to be falling foul of that cycle of negativity a bit atm and I'm wondering if I should be a bit more worried about you? I'm glad you're building in things like swimming, that's always been something so important to your self-care. Are you building in enough time for resting and pacing too?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm struggling to battle negativity big time

[Suzi]

Can you build in more self-care times? Is there anything else you can do to battle those thoughts?
What about speaking to your care team love? Are you talking to A about it?

Sorry, loads of questions!

[Strugglingmum]

A took today off work so we can just pootle around together until he takes the car for mot later.

[Suzi]

That sounds nice. Did you pootle anywhere or stay at home and pootle?

[Strugglingmum]

We ended up going out and doing a few errands. I got a nice new printer...... ours broke months ago.
Really need a day at home tomorrow

[Suzi]

YAY for a new printer!

Are you having a quiet, restful and pacing day today?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm definitely taking it easier.
I took Katie for a walk and I've done some laundry and crochet but otherwise just chilling. Thinking of going for a lie down now.

[Paula]

Good to hear!

[Suzi]

I'm so glad you are listening to your body....

[Strugglingmum]

Getting my shoulder injected today. Hoping for some relief.
It would be good to be able to swim properly again!

[Jaquaia]

Fingers crossed it helps! Resting afterwards?

[Paula]

Hope so, love

[Suzi]

Steroid injection? Hope it helps lovely...

[Strugglingmum]

Fingers crossed it helps! Resting afterwards?

I will definitely be milking the fact of being told to test it for 48hrs after!.

[Suzi]

You make sure you do - even as far as lifting a kettle so you can't even make tea ;)

[Paula]

You make sure you do - even as far as lifting a kettle so you can't even make tea ;)

Best bit if a general I always found ;)

[Strugglingmum]

Lol... it's done and I'm resting. I've been able to sew so managed to finish another order as it was just sewing on bunnies. I supervised dinner being made!

[Paula]

Lol was sewing in the plan or did it go really well?

[Strugglingmum]

I must say my arm is a bit achy but no sharp pain although I'm not moving it for it to get sore

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're resting it lovely.

[Jaquaia]

How are you doing today?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm ok thanks Jaq. I'm being careful not to move my shoulder so just a bit of an ache but totally bearable. I guess I'll maybe know better when I finally move it. GP said could be 2 weeks before I feel full effects of the injection. I'm supposed to still be careful with it til then

[Jaquaia]

Fines crossed it makes a difference

[Suzi]

Ahh the "you must be careful...." So, are you actually going to be careful or are you going to push it a little more than you should?? In other words, how stubborn are you going to be?

[Paula]

(panda)

[Strugglingmum]

My shoulder is still quite iffy, especially with certain movements. Still managing lots of crochet though.
I'm heading off tomorrow to serve at the retreat I attended as a guest last year. Hoping to have a truly blessed refreshing time.

[Paula]

What a wonderful thing to do :) have a lovely time

[Suzi]

That sounds good. Don't overdo it with your shoulder! Have a wonderful time lovely.

[Strugglingmum]

I am thoroughly exhausted after being at the retreat but it was lovely to be there. This morning I was cooking for lunch club and then had a psychology appointment. Feet up rest of the day me thinks!! I've loads of crochet to catch up on so that's my excuse not to move.

[Paula]

Feet up for a couple of days, maybe? ;) so glad you had fun

[Suzi]

You're so busy doing so many things for others. Did you get to enjoy any of the benefits of the retreat as well as catering?

[OldMike]

I am thoroughly exhausted after being at the retreat but it was lovely to be there. This morning I was cooking for lunch club and then had a psychology appointment. Feet up rest of the day me thinks!! I've loads of crochet to catch up on so that's my excuse not to move.

I've found that I don't need an excuse to put my feet up these days.

From what I've read you deserve to put your feet up after such an exhausting time.

[Strugglingmum]

Mike!!!! Hi how are you doing???
Its lovely to see your name pop up. X

[Paula]

See Mike! How much you’re missed!

[Suzi]

Definitely missed!

[OldMike]

I've missed you guys too :)

[Strugglingmum]

Pouring down here today but went on a road trip with the hubby and the daughter. Took the dog too so we had no excuse not to have a walk. We went to the beautiful glens if Antrim and walked through one of the glens to see the waterfalls. Its Ireland.... we do water well!!!
Had a picnic too ..... in the car. Was a nice day out.

[Strugglingmum]

I became a great auntie today to a gorgeous baby girl named Nora Sadie.

[Suzi]

SM that sounds like an amazing day out! Totally the kind of thing I love to explore!

Congratulations on the great niece! So much joy in your day today! Thank you for sharing it with us!

[Paula]

Awww and what a gorgeous name!

[Strugglingmum]

Heading out for dinner tonight with an old friend. I'm currently on the sofa in slob clothes trying to convince myself to make an effort and get cleaned up.
Today I've hoovered, gardened, done laundry and I'm actually not in form to go out but this is a late (very late) birthday celebration for me.
It's not that I'm tired... I just cant be bothered. Think I'll try a hot shower to see if that helps.

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Paula]

Did you manage it?

[Suzi]

Did you get out? Did you have fun?

[Strugglingmum]

A hot shower and a bit of make up and I managed to summon up the motivation. It was a lovely meal and catch up which thankfully didnt go on late . I was home and on my sofa by 9pm.

[Paula]

Well done, love!

[Suzi]

That sounds brilliant! So glad you went and had such a positive experience!

What's on your agenda this week'?

[Strugglingmum]

Today I had an appointment with my employment support officer and then left the car in to get new tires. Had a psychology appointment and had lunch in a cafe while waiting for my car, bought some wool and home with my feet up ready to get stuck into some crochet.

[Paula]

Blimey, that’s a lot in one day, again….

[Suzi]

I really hope you were sat down, sounds like a lot of stressful day!

[Strugglingmum]

Phoned my Gp this morning as my psychologist advised that I really need to keep them up to speed with how I'm doing. I would have loved a face to face appointment but didnt feel I could ask so had a phone consultation instead.
He is going to contact my consultant for a review.

In other news, my pip renewal forms came in so that sent me spiralling! I dont understand why I got them now as my award in Dec 2000 was for 3 years.... is this not early to be getting them?

[Paula]

Well done for talking to your doctor. Why didn’t you feel able to ask for a face to face?

Turn2Us have supplied this info re PiP, hope it helps https://www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Claiming-Personal-Independence-Payment/Review-or-renew-PIP-claim#:~:text=The%20DWP%20will%20usually%20start,t ime%20if%20you%20need%20it.

[Jaquaia]

It's pretty standard I think. My mum's were due early Feb yet her award is until November

[Strugglingmum]

Thanks for that info, it helped settle my mind a bit. My employment officer is going to help me with the forms on Monday.

[Strugglingmum]

Just got an appointment through for my first EMDR assessment..... to see whether I'm suitable or not. I'm a bit anxious about working with a new therapist but I'm trying to see it as a positive

[Jaquaia]

Hopefully it will help you (panda)

[magie06]

Changing can be very scary, but it can be exciting to start new and fresh. I understand where you are coming from though because I cried when my primary care nurse told me that I had to change to someone new.

[Strugglingmum]

I'm off out to meet a friend for cuppa and a catch up. As Arnie would say "I'll be back".

[Jaquaia]

Hope you have a fab time!

[magie06]

I really hope that there will be cake!!

[Paula]

Enjoy!

[Strugglingmum]

I was cooking for our seniors lunch club today, then a walk at a local beauty spot. Now waiting for hubby to finish golf so I can pick him up and finally get home. Its lovely and warm here today witha nice breeze.

[Paula]

That really sounds lovely. How’s your mood, love?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm ok. My symptoms are still not controlled but it's like it's become my new norm again.
I completed my Pip forms today and they are in the post box.
The anxiety of completing them has gone but now I have the anxiety of the wait.

[Paula]

We done for getting them done - I know it’s just horrible (panda)

Your symptoms will get under control again, I’m sure lovely. It absolutely sucks having to live with a chronic, recurrent MH condition. But you’ve had periods of relative wellness, and you will again, I’m sure

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[magie06]

How are you?

[Strugglingmum]

I have had a really bad headache all day. I know its tension. I woke up with it and my teeth are aching. I must have been clenching them tight all night.
I was meeting a couple of friends today and it was good to see them but I'm glad to be going home. 2 painkillers and a dark room for a while.

[magie06]

Please mind yourself.

[Paula]

(panda)

[Jaquaia]

Hope you feel better soon (panda)