I was like you for a while in that I didn't want to go back to AD's having been off them for a few years as I thought the exercise was doing would help me. However I slowly learned that they took the edge off the really really bad times. They are not the complete solution but a combination of them along with talking therapy is the best way forward. Maybe you could start on a small dose and see how you feel with that, I wouldn't rule it out completely but please do consider it.