Quote Originally Posted by Ken Willidau View Post
I've been to about 5 psychiatrists and they all say about the same thing. That one was an exact quote. I was in despair and had attempted suicide at that time. I was crying when I left. How do you fix nothing wrong when you know something's wrong? That's when I started thinking that if it isn't mental, then, what is it?
Surely there HAS to be something wrong if it was making you want to end your life?

This is my problem. When I am with people or am working on anything, I am okay. It's when I disengage that all these thoughts start flooding my head. If something just happened, it would be about that and if not I think my brain looks for something trying to solve it. Like those days when you're worried about something, but you can't figure out what it is. And you start going through all the things that might be worrying you. It's like the worry is there in your face first, and your brain is trying to figure out why. And thinking about what could be worrying you starts worrying you for real.
I think having loads of thoughts flood your head when you are not busy is something that a lot of people can relate to, but instead of thinking that it's in your face first (which I'm struggling with as a concept) maybe it IS a real thing and not a false emotion at all? Have you tried other techniques such as meditation or mindfulness?

On May 21 2006 I stopped doing just about everything except going to one bar (no computer, little driving). The bar had great seats. Arm rests, padded seat and 360-swivel. On Sept 11, it was gone. I felt ungripped. After 35 years. It was freeing. All my cynicism, fog, thinking was gone. It was a life change. I bought my laptop. Buying clothes. Doing stuff for the house. Everything wasn't a struggle/what's the point. By December 18, I wrote in a blog that I could feel it creeping back in and I don't want to go back there, again.
If anyone is solely reliant on one thing - be it a bar, a forum, a cafe, a supermarket, a park then it isn't an option suddenly then that's always going to be difficult to deal with.
Maybe it's about a balance, not an all or nothing approach?

I believe I stress out my face/body and when I get alone and my face is disengaged/healing it mimics emotions that start the thoughts coming. The thoughts are as maddening as they were. But it's them being brought to me as a possible reason for the feeling that puts that thought on my mind and not just in my mind and support the feeling.

The only good thing I can say about it is that it gets a lot of work done for me trying to avoid it. Even if I think that exacerbates the problem, itself.
Do you know whether you had a trigger for the way that you were feeling - apart from moving classrooms each lesson? Do you live with others? Do you socialise? Eat properly? Drink alcohol? Take any other medication?