I think that pushing her away right now when you are low isn't being fair to you or her. Telling her something like that is terrifying to hear. There isn't anything that can prepare you for that and you've said that when you explained it to her she apologised and said she came back as soon as she could. That isn't her saying she doesn't care - it's her saying that she didn't understand what you needed or wanted at that time....
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So very quick update guys as still very raw at moment. It ended last night. I told her how I felt about her actions (again), this time she showed her true character and a lot of insults started. Their was verbal abuse from both sides, I won't play all innocent but the ensuing argument deemed it over. Very awkward right now as we both have to live under same roof (that 90% I pay for, my crap job pays most of the bills) until I find somewhere else to live. Horrible situation at the moment but I realise being single is what's needed and this former relationship was toxic and has definitely contributed to my ill mental health.
I'm sorry....
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I would say sorry to hear that but to be quite honest from what you've said on here about her attitude I think it's for the best.Originally Posted by Penguin
You need empathy, love and support not insults and a cold hearted, uncaring attitude from her. You know in your heart whether she is the partner you need in your life and it doesn't sound like that at all. You need to move on from her and give yourself time to heal and work on yourself. Obviously I don't know the full extent of the relationship, the ups and downs but you are at an incredibly low point from what you've said and she doesn't seem in any way to be helping your situation. Best wishes
That's quite harsh considering you don't know her, her background and experience(s) or anything apart from that she went out when he told her he was struggling....
I'd hate to think about what you'd have said about me when my husband was first diagnosed or then had his breakdowns...
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With respect it is this 'she went out when I was struggling', like its some trivial thing. I've now realised it wasn't. While I'm not suggesting for one moment she doesn't give a toss, I am saying she prioritised a favour for a friend over her own partner's mental health. That is a fact.
I'm no Patron Saint but I can hand on heart say I wouldn't have done a favour for a mate while my fiancee was sat on the sofa crying. They would have been told it would have to be another time. That's the difference between me and her. And while I despise myself for many things I will go out on a limb here and say actually yes, I deserve better.
What happened last night? I was still very hurt by what she had done. I finish work at 11p.m, get home for between 11.30-midnight. I wanted just to go to bed and be left alone exactly because I was angry/upset. To try and let things settle and sleep on it. She continued to press me into talking so again, I told her how I felt. This time she got very agitated and defensive, brought up ancient arguments we have had etc and I was like huh? You asked me what is wrong with me right now, I tell you and because she didn't like the answer she attempted to bring totally unrelated things into it that had no relevance to my mental state now. I can honestly say on this particular incident the only thing I regret is actually engaging in an argument with her. Other than that, nothing.
If I could flip a switch to stop me feeling so low I think I speak for everyone that we would give an arm for it, unfortunately I can't. I've said a million times I don't expect a pity parade, it is for me to try to navigate and turn things around, though I do expect support from my Fiancee. Well of course now ex.
Fair enough... Only you know how things have been...
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Hi Penguin - I found myself in a similar situation and was too scared to speak to my GP - so I wrote a letter saying all the things you are expressing - they called me and got me to go in and the GP I saw had a personal imnterest in mental health and he told me something that may apply to you - to read a book called 'Depression - Curse of the Strong' - it was an eye opener - depression can come about from being strong and being there for everyone else before yourself ..we dont do it consciously but sub consciously and eventually my 'fuse blew' but it took me far too long to seek help - the GP is a great place to start.
Your dedication to the gym i a massive positive as is the fact you have held down a job for so long and not quit...you care for your dogs and partner - all positives - you, I think, just need a little help taking care of YOU, for a change. The hardest step is the first one but the most important one - asking for help takes immense strength not weakness - you seem to be someone that would really benefit from that first step - telling us on here is massive and pat yourself on the back for doing that ,..talking to your GP about your feelings - you wont be the first or last and they want people like you to go in and help yourself becuse once you start your journey of recovery you can add so much to the next person on here that thinks the same way as you do now and we all did at some stage...getting it out to people that listen, hear and understand is extremely cathartic...go for it and report back - think of it as bench pressing that extra 10kilos...!!
Thanks a lot for that reply. Means a lot. I'll deff look into that book I've never heard of that before.
How are you doing Penguin?
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