Heres a few one liners from an American comedian called Stephen Wright
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.