Thanks for the reply.

Yes, I guess you're right. My self esteem is so low that I don't feel I'm entitled to any self compassion. He's she is toxic, that's the word I used to her. I'm cutting her off now, she's dominating my ruminative thoughts. I just contacted the GP, I think I need a short supply of anti anxiety meds if they can help me, I'm on the edge of a panic attack.

Thanks