Someone gave me a suggestion to post. And I found this thread and thought why not dust it off.

I thought I was doing a bit better. But I went to therapy today and went with public transport. And my stress went way up. I have been that way since I got home now.

I wanted to play my game. But I have noticed the same thing that happens everytime when I start to develop feelings for someone in a game. I feel it belong to them and not me. So I started playing but felt bad about playing her game so I stopped.
I even tried playing another game I stopped playing 3 years ago for the same reason but same result.

I keep going through this cycle. Untill I am stripped from everything. Games I like. Bands I like (because of the same reasons I never play the Doors anymore or the Cure).

I think I am on a path where I destroy everything in my life till the last thing to destroy is myself