i dont know what i expect to achieve. its just that can be 3 weeks between speaking to people except when i go shopping and i have no one to confide in so mostly its just me with my thoughts. i guess patt of me thinks that antidepressants are supposed to keep you stable to deal with a crisis but it seems like my life has been in a downward spiral for 3 years and i dont know how to stop it or change things.

Why am i ashamed? up to recently i guess i thought i threw myself into work and be useful which at least gave me some sense of worth but after recent events i feel like im no good at my profession either and so am no use to anyone. All I know is that everytime i look in the mirror i despise what i see.

I guess id hoped others may have felt the same and turned things around; i just dont know what to do or where to start to try and fix things or where/who to turn to for advice. I felt like this during my first attempt. I desperately wanted to turn things around but couldnt/ didnt know how. Now i realise that despite therapy i've sought since im in a similar siutation stuck in a downward spiral that iwant to get out of but cant figure out how to. In real life
There is no one to help me with this and i suppose it shows how desperate i am that i ask strangers on the internet for advice. I realise this is selfish and unfair and maybe i shouldn't have posted and i apologise if my post comes across as self centered/pitying.