Hi and welcome Lucy! I've added a trigger warning as you discuss suicide. It's nothing to worry about, it's just so people can avoid your thread if it would trigger them.

I'm so sorry about what you went through. It doesn't matter how lucky you you think your life makes you, that must have been horrendous and is bound to leave scars.

One thing we say here is that if something affects you then it is important. Depression doesn't always have a reason, sometimes it just is, but having lost your dad like that... it's one huge reason. Have you ever had any counselling for it? Have you spoken to your doctor about how you're feeling? If not then that would be a very good place to start