Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*

[SA89]

I was in floods of tears when I posted that. I don't feel in control of anythin, my head is too far gone to be repaired. I get no relief from my depression, it's persistent & I've been in a constant low state for years & years (which I assume is dysthmia & anhedonia). I feel like I'm alone in this battle .. I'm 30 in July, still living with my mum with an intimidating brother in a smoke filled house. Imagine being a severe recluse all your life, how would that make you feel?. Because it's had a significant impact on my self esteem & confidence.

That's why I genuinely feel I can't be helped because there's layers upon layers to my insecurities. I appreciate you being blunt but any advice bounces off me because of my distorted ed up headspace. Others have been just as blunt & are perplexed why nothin seem's to get through to me. I know other worriers who are like me that I can identify with. As a hypochondriac with debilitating depression my life has been straight hell. The loneliness is just the icing on the cake. I know "woe is me" right & others have it worse but those sentiments mean nothin to my mental state.

I'm not an alcoholic btw to be clear, 3-4 half lagers on the occassional drink meetup (once a month) is hardly alcoholic. There's other as well that I'm dealin with like my jobcentre sanctioning me for an extra 200 days despite tellin me my sanction had finally ended after 2 years. I attended an interview yesterday to become a samaritan & told them about my persistent depression disorder. If they reject me then its obvious that it's a factor in their decision as they prob assume it'd be "trigggering" for me as you guys alluded to. I also handed in my documents to do youth work at Bolton Lads & Girls Club. I'm desperate for some routine to give me a purpose because this loneliness is all consuming as many users here can attest to ...