Trials and tribulations of a Yorkshire pudding

[Jaquaia]

I don't. The propranolol is helping a bit but still agitated. It took ages to get to sleep last night as my mind was racing.

[Suzi]

Oh I'm sorry love... Do you need to be keeping a mood diary? Getting an appointment to seeing someone?

[Jaquaia]

It might be worth keeping a mood diary. Not looking forward to seeing someone as it will be a re-referral and I'll probably be blocked by the CPN's who do the assessments. I'm on the max dose of vortioxetine so it's not like my GP can just increase it.

[SA89]

Honestly? I'm struggling. I've tried to ignore it as I'm not suicidal and I haven't felt like self-harming, but I'm struggling. I feel so numb and empty a lot of the time lately, incredibly lethargic. It's rare I'm asleep much past 7 and I'm often awake during the night, I'm struggling to focus on anything, and for the last few days I've been back on the propranolol as I'm highly agitated and anxious. I'm really irritable, hating being around the vast majority of people, and even being spoken to is a struggle most days. And to top that off, I had a bit of a moment today. Apart from being very insecure, we went for lunch in town and J pulled someone up who pushed in front of me at the cash machine. The guy reacted pretty aggressively and it triggered me massively as it reminded me of dickhead. I was almost in tears in the street, struggled to speak, and it took me an age to make eye contact with J again. He said my reaction surprised him.

So it's been fun...

Hey Jacquaia, I can relate to feelin highly irritable as I live with a controlling obnoxious brother who disrespects everyone. Everyday I feel very agitated which I think is very common with us depression sufferers. I've felt empty for so long now that I've forgotten how to "feel" anymore. The only emotions I seem to have access to is sadness & crying. People take their wellbeing for granted, if only they could spend a week in our shoes who are on this forum. People who don't deal with depression get sad from break ups or whatever which is trivial by comparison.

Even any grief they suffer is nothing compared to this mental imbalance we have. It may not feel like it, but we're all fighters on here. The strength to keep goin despite our distorted minds is more than anyone gives us credit for. Society will always have a stigma because people are in ignorant yet we're stronger than they'll ever be because we're living under a form of torture. That guy is a scumbag for pushing in front of u btw, he doesn't deserve ur breath .

[Jaquaia]

Having depression does not make us that different from anyone else, it just makes us ill. Just because we suffer from a mental illness doesn't make anyone elses suffering "trivial", having a mental illness doesn't make our suffering any greater than anyone elses. Suzi for example, has often said on here that she doesn't have depression, yet she has many physical illnesses that she battles. She deals with chronic pain every single day and I have so much admiration and respect for how she just gets on with things. She is one of the strongest women I know and I'm honoured to call her my friend. Having depression DOES make us strong, but it doesn't mean that others can't be as strong as us. I have some amazingly supportive friends who haven't suffered with depression and frequently tell me how proud they are of me for how I fight. Actually engaging in treatment can give you coping strategies that can help you manage your illness.

Most of what you've just said comes across as quite judgemental.

[SA89]

I probably should have worded that better. My point was regarding the stigma which is prevelent in society. I was only tryin to give u some encouragement because I can empathise from my own experience. but you've not even acknowledged that so I don't why I bothered .

[Jaquaia]

I didn't find anything that you said encouraging. I found it judgemental. The only bit I found empathetic was the bit were you said you can relate to feeling highly irritable and anxious. Empathy literally means the ability to understand and share the feelings of others yet the rest of your post was just judgements on those who don't have a mental illness. That's not empathetic. Empathy isn't judging people because they haven't faced the same challenges as you. So please explain why I would thank you for a post that several times said that people without depression don't suffer anywhere near as much as those with depression? Suffering is a very individual thing, people experience things in different ways and you don't get to decide whose experiences are trivial/greater based on whether they have a mental illness or not.

It's been pointed out to you before that you maybe need to think about what you've written before you press post.

[SA89]

Well you'll be glad to know I won't bother anymore as ur reaction has really put me off. I thought of commenting because I felt it was only fair after u posted on my thread. I'm aware that people also have issues, my point was how some people trivialise stuff like a break up & broadcast it on facebook for instance as if that's comparable to actual depression sufferers.

You're response was just as rude tbh but that'll probably get overlooked & I'll recieve a warning for simply tryin to offer words of encouragement. Tired of being misunderstood, get enough of it at home from people who don't understand why I'm such a worrier ..

[SA89]

I sent u this apology in a private message but ur messages have exceeded so I'll copy it here instead:

"Hey, I apologise for soundin judgemental to non depression sufferers, I shouldn't have generalised like that. My intention was not that at all but unfortunately typing doesn't convey body language. I hope we can draw a line under it as I appreciate ur comments on my thread. I was just tryin to reciprocate ur sentiments & offer a constructive comment but obviously it went down as well as a bag of cold sick! .

Ur response hurt caus anyone who knows me know I've always been very respectful which is is contrast to a controlling brother I live with. I speak my mind maybe too much at times but my heart is always in the right place I guess I just wish there was more support for mental heakth & less stigma. Anyway hope u read this & we can draw a line under it ".

[Jaquaia]

Suffering is personal and individual. Even depression is personal and individual. The end of a relationship can cause feelings of grief which are just as valid as those depression sufferers feel. Also, I never said you were rude, I said parts of your post came across as judgemental and lacking in empathy. We have people on here who sign up because they're struggling to deal with loved ones who are struggling to deal with their mental health. How will they feel seeing your comments stating that their suffering is trivial in comparison? That they aren't suffering anywhere near as much? So yes, I'm going to remind you of one of the forum rules;

Be nice to all DWDers.The prime aim is to help provide a safe place to talk and gain peer to peer support. If you don’t like someone, their situation, their question or feel they’re intruding on ‘your thread’ then please talk to a moderator (names in green or blue) or admin (names in red). Please be polite to each other. DWD Mods and Admin do not tolerate anything which can be offensive to them or to anyone else.

You don't offer encouragement by denigrating others. There's enough of that in the world already, we don't want that here. We don't accept people saying they have it worse because as I've said, suffering is individual, subjective and very personal. If something affects someone, it's just as relevant as the demons we often battle. Encouragement is reminding someone that they've got this, that they're strong because they fight every day, that getting up and showering that day is huge and they've done brilliantly.