I will try. But that goes against every thing i believe about myself.

Stuck between trying to accept this is how it will be. Or keep going on. But to where? A life alone? 39 now. With only one relationschip so far that ended after 2 years. And now no friends.

Thats a long time to be alone. And accepting may be easier. Who wants to be with a guy with a possible few disorders. A chronisch depression and self hate?

I always think of the saying you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. So thats settles that. Then i will be alone forever.

And I want to get better first. But i doubt if thats possible
After a lot of tries. And not changing anything.

Sorry for complaining all the time. I wish i could change that. But that i can only do by not talking.