Hey guys, I know I disappeared for a few days, I've not been having a very good week and have been trying to talk myself into coming on here but I just couldn't bring myself to because I don't want to be a burden or annoy everybody (stupid right? Given that this is a forum for this exact thing, unfortunately I can't switch off that voice in the back of my mind that says "nobody cares")

The truth is, I've just had enough, of all of it. I'm sick of the smallest things being an accomplishment, taking the dog for a walk, washing the pots, the sort of thing everybody else does every day without even thinking about it. It's not fair, I want to be able to do those things without it being such a big deal, it shouldn't be so hard to tidy the house, or take a shower, but even though I really want to do those things I can't, because this massive weight comes down on me and I feel like I can't move and I just want to scream or cry or both.

I'm sick of feeling sick all the time, of the constant stomach pain and always feeling like I'm on the verge of tears, trying to avoid leaving the house because I'm worried people will talk to me or look at me and when I do leave the house (and only because I have to for work etc) I can't breathe, my chest gets so tight and my legs feel so weak and I just have to push through it even though all I want to do is break down and cry.

I'm sick of feeling like a terrible mother, a terrible friend, a terrible daughter, like I'm not good enough for anybody and they'd all be bette off without me. I've had enough of constantly arguing with my daughter or snapping at her, of being irritated by the smallest things and losing my temper over nothing. I need to deal with this but I can't, I'm still waiting for my counselling appointment and I still can't bring myself to make a doctor's appointment even though I know I need to.

I just want it all to end, I just want to feel normal again and I don't know what to do...