Yes I shut feelings down for literally years because I couldn’t face that drowning feeling. I think you described it as like drowning very well. That’s how it feels - like I am going to drown in my own tears. So when I decided to open my heart again and allow myself to feel it was overwhelming when I started to cry again. But I really don’t see any alternative as I have to take the risks or I’ll never grow and heal. My greatest fear is simply that people I know or get to know will be overwhelmed and put off by my moods and crankiness.