When he came home I confronted him with it.. He told me he never told her that he didn't love me anymore and only told her he was depressed because everyone had started to notice he had changed and saw the cuts on his arms..

I asked why he called her pretty and if he fancies her and he told me he didn't but he said it when she was upset because of an argument with her boyfriend and he said it to make her feel better.. That annoyed me more because I asked why he couldn't do the same for me when I was upset and he said he didn't know...

He said he wasn't fine at paintball and said he had a a panic attack and then when he heard about me he went and sat on his own and cried when he begun over thinking things... My brother told him it was something to do with him with coming home so he started to over think that I was thinking he was cheating...

I asked him to leave and he begun packing everything saying how he would leave anyway.. Lots of things were said including things neither of us meant..

Eventually after the anger subsided he sat down and begun crying because he realised he messed everything up and felt really bad.. He cried saying he didn't want to lose me and didn't want to split up.. How he doesn't know why he lied and how he isn't thinking straight.. He sobbed saying he felt lost and broken and how he knows he's been treating me badly.. He said again about going to his mum's to "level himself out" and I gave him a choice of either staying, a break or ending our relationship.. He kept saying he didn't know what to do or what he was doing with his life.. He just doesn't feel anything apart from anger and misery.. He feels like the depression is and has gotten worse and he wants to take the easy way out...

He sobbed in my arms like a little boy when he explained how lost and broken he felt and how he knew he wasn't acting like himself.. He told me he would never cheat on me and when I asked him why he lied he said he knew I would be upset and I said it was because he knew what he was doing was wrong by being there with her and lying to me everytime I asked if they were close..

He said he feels like he's let me down and I told him that depression isn't making him act like an idiot.. He is.. He said he has an "F" it attitude and has had one since last Friday (4th) and that's when he started wanting space again..

Again I asked him several times to just go to his mum's.. He told me how i apparently really wanted him to go and I just said that's what he wants and he kept saying perhaps he didnt want to.. Eventually he decided that he wanted to stay with me rather than go to his mum's..

I told him I no longer trust him and that he needs to take responsibility for the reason why and he needs to stop blaming depression for acting selfish and irrational.. He said he doesn't think things through before he does them and then realises in the end..

He said he feels guilty and now feels even more depressed.. He didn't do particularly well to comfort me when I was sad which makes it all the more upsetting that he could comfort her when she was.. I asked if it was because he didn't want to say lies but then he said he didn't know why he couldn't or didn't comfort me..

Even when I asked him why he wants to stay together he said because he knew we were happy and if in 6 months he could have anything it would be that the depression is better and we are together happy.. He said he wants everything with me (kids, marriage, a house etc) and didn't want to lose me..

Quite frankly it has been an awful couple of days.. I've felt betrayed.. Heartbroken.. Hurt.. Lied to and mugged off.. But I still love this man more than anything.. Perhaps you're going to tell me I am an idiot for believing what he's saying.. Perhaps you're even going to tell me our relationship doesn't sound healthy.. But it was never like this.. He was never like this and neither was I..

Perhaps our relationship is doomed to fail because of depression.. But I want to try and support him.. I still love him and I am still hoping he loves me too.. Deep down I am still hoping that he loves me the same as he once did..