I kind of agree. I think he was being a jerk and then tried to make himself feel better by blaming me for it. I'm still not sure what to feel about it, but it has definitely been helpful having you guys here to agree that I wasn't in the wrong, because I was questioning myself. I think I need to focus on myself for a bit. Going straight to self harm again as my primary coping strategy has upset me. I also took took too many amitriptyline last night. Not massively, I take 150mg normally and I took 250mg last night because I knew it would help me sleep and that's not a behaviour I want to get back into either, and I'm paying for it today. No matter how big a jerk he was that should never be my go to. I deserve to treat myself better than that.