Thanks all, I appreciate the support.

Without rambling, there are a few main issues that make is difficult.

My son has autism, so just going somewhere like a normal family isn't an option - it takes military precision organisation, planning a full cooperation from everyone to still be left with a 50% chance of meltdown. Plus he REALLY doesn't want to go places, no matter how tempting and it's a battle to get him to want to leave the house. To hot, too cold, too much walking, who will be there, who won't be there, what food and drink will be there, what if this, what of that.....

My daughter in pre-teen and not interested in going out with her family. She has her own anxiety issues and is currently working with CAMHS due to self harming and has meltdowns of her own and also doesn't want to do anything. She's 'happy' in her room on her ipod or whatever and is nigh on impossible to coax out and about.

They simply don't want to go out and do stuff - we try suggesting walks in the woods, this and that just to get moans, complaints and every excuse under the sun not to go.

But, aside from all that - which would be challenging enough when NT, I'm not NT, and am in the pits of depression, which means I simply cannot cope or deal with any of that ^^. I just can't. If I could, I'd consider myself just down in the dumps, but ultimately able to rise above it and function. I can't rise above it and function. It's just too much to deal with. Hence dark thoughts of suicide when I'm at my lowest.

On top of all that, outside of my depression, I've got issues of my own to try and deal with, which I can't cope with due to my depression, before I even think about solving other problems.

I'm not trying to put obstacles in the way and find reasons why I can't just put a false smile on and jump in the car, but explain why it's a mountain just too big to climb at the moment.

My wife is also suffering from depression and is undergoing very traumatic counselling for issues gone by so her coping capacity is minimal at best.

Naturally all this puts a huge strain on our marriage, to add to the list.