Your advice about the shakes was great, honestly! They aren't that bad actually. I put them in coffee and mixing up the flavours helps. The chocolate ones are actually quite nice, haha!

Yeah, I know the depression is really a problem in my brain right now. I'm thinking of going back on an antipsychotic I was on before which helped me with the anorexic thoughts. They're starting to kick in more lately. I woke up this morning for instance with the words 'you're a fat sh*t and I hate you' repeating over and over in my head. I haven't had any ED thoughts like that in ages really.

And I'll try another AD med. I've felt really unwell lately and my mother thinks it could be since decreasing the sertraline. I get constant headaches that I can only get rid of by lying down in a dark room and sometimes any noises (even my poor dad just talking last night bless him) feels like it's piercing into my skull so that I just want to say 'shut up!', haha! I feel like my heart is pounding in my chest even though my pulse is totally fine and nauseous and like I need to take deep breaths - a bit like anxiety but I don't feel anxious ?? I am also sleeping loads and feel totally exhausted. My mam thinks it's psychosomatic and that I think something is wrong when it's not. Thanks for that, haha! She also said depression can cause physical symptoms. Who knows? Maybe I'm just stressed!

Mood is flat as a pancake. I've had a lot of anger though. I liken the feeling to really bad PMS which in my case isn't currently possible. I feel like I could bite the head off a nail! I've been crying more, too. It's pent up exasperation at the depression having such an impact.

I will be alone for the appointment but feel okay in this case. I can be completely honest with the psychiatrist about my distressing thoughts that way without having to say anything in front of my mum which may upset her.

That must have been so reassuring for Marc to know he had you as a support. Has his depression improved?

Ps. How is crash??

Xx