Just angry that I have to do what my head really doesn't want to. I feel better left to my own devices. I don't want to get well and I'm angry that the only reason I'm complying is to prevent being tube fed in hospital and to appease some OT who thinks she understands but doesn't have a bloody clue and who I don't give a bloody jot about.

There's just no motivation to get well. I've got no friends at all (not even colleagues or sort-of friends), no job, I'm not a part or member of anything and I get no real sense of fun out of anything other than bloody flower pot painting. And I'm 23, like! I feel like such a loser and a total joke, failure and embarrassment. I have no big aspirations for the future now because all my plans since last year just kept fizzling out. I'm fed up of things messing up through my life - my education, my employment, my relationships and my dreams.

And my anger is directed towards anyone encouraging or supervising me to eat.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I think. Feel so angry and fed up that I've had mental health problems for over half my life and I'm still only young. Can't believe I'm back here again after being severely anorexic at 10 and again at 17. Feels never-ending and I'm done fighting.

There's also tension in the house now there is need for Mass and to go out!