I don't even know really, Suzi. I know there were several reasons why I stopped initially right back in January. I think when the body becomes malnourished, the mind suffers too.... And I went a bit far. Anorexia is a weird illness. It makes you feel great and positive and completely in denial of the seriousness of it all but at the same time gravely unwell both mentally and physically. Even now the news they told me today hasn't sunk in. It doesn't feel real. It's an illness and I think in some ways it's like an addiction. A lot of it is about control.

I have complied with the drinks today though and will again tomorrow.

Have rewarded myself today with an afternoon of painting and a nice chin wag with my dear auntie on the phone. Tomorrow, I plan to pick up some new books from the library and browse around a little market town and see if I can pick my mam up a little nice something, maybe take a nice hot bubble bath, download a new album to play whilst painting, I would like to go to the cinema at the weekend but maybe just watch a new movie at home instead. Just little things really. Simple pleasures! I'm also looking forward to working at the weekend. I hope to be spending Friday night selling cookies and not drinking supplement drinks on a hospital ward!