Thanks Angie.
You're totally right. And I always ever get through them! x
Thanks Angie.
You're totally right. And I always ever get through them! x
Definitely good days and bad days - why didn't you post when you were feeling crap? We could have helped?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I should have.
I guess I just get so all-consumed in feeling the crappiness when it hits me that I don't post until it starts to seem like my mood might slowly lift again...
It seems endless. I mean, do people actually beat depression?! Like, for good?
Some do, some don't. I haven't but I manage it, a lot of the time, and I've got a good life despite battling with this since I was 16. I know it sounds odd but my illness is such a part of me now that I don't know who I'd be without it though I still fight it every moment itms
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
That's reassuring to hear it can be managed. Most people seem to say they manage it rather than beat it completely.
I think I'll always have mental health problems unfortunately. I've had them since I was nine years old and now I'm 23. Even when I look back now at times when I thought I was doing great, I can see that even then I still had blips and my little 'meltdowns' and such. Guess some people just struggle more than others, right?
I'm pleased to hear you're able to have a good life despite what you have to battle with.
I just want to be treated for depression and not for anorexia. The reason I'm not eating now is a result of depression. I see starvation as a way out. Even the professionals have admitted I don't have 'classic anorexia'. I wish it wasn't all about the not-eating. My problems run much deeper. If I gained weight, I would still be depressed because I was depressed before I stopped eating.
I hate the ED services. I don't trust them. I'm anxious they're going to spring hospital on me or section me or something.
Oh lovely. Have you told them that?
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
I haven't told them I see self-starvation as a way out of living with depression.
I told them I don't want to be admitted to the gastric ward of a general hospital. When I said I would be more open to being admitted to a psychiatric ward or hospital, they seemed to think I wasn't 'ill enough' for that.
They know I have suicidal thoughts. I don't want to give too much away to them though.
I told her I didn't trust her and that I'm not eating for her - someone I don't trust. That was a tad rude of me to say that but she needs to know I'm eating for me and not for her. She did ask if she could give me a hug before she left. I reluctantly let her.
Hopefully I can just keep my weight from dropping any further to stay out of hospital. I'm going to try and be super positive next time I see her and give the impression things are progressing. I'm too scared to be honest with them because it's in their power to section me. I can just see this happening. It's like I'm leaving it go as far as possible before it does.
Sweetie, they're not your enemy and they can't help you appropriately if you're not open and honest with them. And the NHS don't section without very good reason to - not least because they simply don't have the beds to do that. Please tell Someone the truth .....
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
But what I don't get is if I go to hospital it will be to be tube-fed. But they will not tube feed me in hospital if I eat so if I go to hospital for re-feeding but eat there instead then surely they won't pass a tube down someone who is willing to eat?
This is why I don't want to go to hospital. I'm not afraid of eating.
I don't want to eat because I'm so depressed. So I don't get why I couldn't go on a ward or to a hospital to treat my depression in a way that sees my behaviours such as not eating and excessive sleeping as side effects of this illness.
They feel like my enemy though, Paula. I hated it today when she was here in my home telling me what to eat and drink and that what I choose to eat isn't good enough. Because then when I do eat and she says thank you it's like I've done it for her. Which is stupid because why would I practice self-care for her benefit when she's someone I don't even care about?
I know you're right about the NHS not sectioning without having a good reason to. I have to trust it won't be an overnight thing. I'm just so scared the ED services are going to spring it on me suddenly. I don't know where I'm at with them. In the same sentence, they say hospital admission is a last resort and then they say I'm heading that way.
Wish I could just discharge myself from their services and stop seeing them but I think that would give them more reason to hospitalise me.
Sorry for my ranting. I just feel really scared about all of this