Thank you both

I don't know if I'm just rambling away to myself randomly here but it helps to get things out, you know....?

I had a great weekend. I was flying high at times. But the crash came Saturday night. I knew it would. Spent all day Sunday crying and huddled in a blanket watching films and all day today in bed....

The OT came from the ED services today and started going on about me heading towards being admitted to hospital. I would be admitted onto a gastric ward (not a psychiatric ward as I had thought...?) to be fed through an NG feeding tube. I was tube-fed for nine months when I was eleven years old but then I totally refused all food and drink. Now, I actually eat and drink (granted not all that much). So she said if I ate, I wouldn't be admitted to hospital for re-feeding but that I'm heading that way? It all seems a bit unclear but myself and those closest to me have accepted that if it goes this way, it will have to just bloody go this way. It is what it is - an illness.

They want to keep me in the community though so I just need to make sure my weight doesn't go any lower. (My BMI is currently 13.2 and I'm not even trying to be anorexic which is weird...) Remarkably, my bloods are okay too so that goes in my favour.

Mood-wise, I am feeling a little stronger tonight now all the rubbish mood is out of my system so hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day. I'm increasing the medication to 100mg sertraline at the weekend too and I'm seeing my therapist Friday who I haven't had a session with in a few weeks.

The gardening project were in touch, too. I missed their call so will phone them back tomorrow. I also have an interview for a weekend job as I can do permitted work with the ESA.

Hope all is as good as it can be with you. Thanks for reading.