The ED team also said they will be able to offer me therapy, too. But it's yet to be explained as to what that is exactly. I continue to see my CBT therapist weekly though and she is fantastic.

She works for a mental health charity that offer a voluntary work scheme for sufferers of mental illness. It's a big, beautiful gardening project! They're due to get back to me shortly. I feel it would be a nice opportunity. Therapeutic, new skills, a supportive environment. I would like to maybe do a course in massage therapy at some point, too. Mostly because I love massage, because it's different and because people say I'm goo at giving massages! But these are little hopes for the future. I'm trying to go day by day. I've been doing little things like playing the keyboard again, baking, watching films.... Not much helps if I'm honest but even just short bursts of some activity are good. I do have a spa day booked for next week though which I am so excited for. I'm only 23 but I have so much pain. It seems that all that's helping me at the moment is taking long, hot baths and doing my stretches afterwards, watching TV and movies to distract me and chatting with/being around family. Walking on the beach sometimes helps, as does baking the occasional something which I never eat. So yeah. Day by day. I'm not spending my days in bed all day anymore which is always a plus (although I do take massive naps)

I flirted with the idea of going to some support groups. One is an eating disorder one but I felt that would be triggering and it's also difficult to go to a group for depression and anxiety if you suffer with depression and anxiety!! They're also like a two and a half hour bus ride there and back too which is a bit of an outing and I don't want to go alone but don't have anyone who would come. I do use a daily online support group though for ED sufferers which helps a lot!

I also have an appointment with the job centre on Tuesday to discuss training, volunteering and placement opportunities. This is something that I would really like to explore and access! Even if it's just tiny baby weeny steps for now. I hope to go back to volunteering with the homeless once weekly too. This was something I used to LOVE and was the highlight of my week!

I decided this morning before scrawling down this never-ending post that I would give the community care plan at least one month-six weeks through the whole of September and maybe into October where I really try to get myself feeling better. But, if things don't improve or get worse... I think I'll have to spend some time somewhere as an inpatient. The same place that run this gardening project actually have an inpatient place not so far from my home which I feel would be the type of place I would be happy to go into. I REFUSE to go to an eating disorder place because major depression is at the core here and the not-eating is caused by my depression this time. (ALL the professionals and my family agree on this). And I don't want to go down the general hospital road on a psychiatric ward... We'll see what happens.

There's a rehab centre I've been looking into, too. I know people who have gone there and I know it's incredible. But that would be in Italy or Bosnia and I'm in the UK.

But now, it's today. If you made it through this waffle, thanks for reading.