Yesterday I went out after 3 months hidding in house. I know that's crazy but due to my issues I cannot have made this step for a long time. I've been anxious and excited, my emotions are over my forces.

Today I've gone to the recruitment agency, tomorrow I'll discuss with some employeers. But my God, because of my issues I make effort to look into people's eyes and can't communicate properly face-to-face. Everything is easier to express in written form, and I've lost this live communication with people. I'm too afaraid, shy and anxious and this could be a barrier. I remember one of my employeers asked me why I never look straight in eyes, with this step I break any contact with others.

I'm nervous. However I'm prepared for being gotten down, the most important is that I've begun searching.

Because of my mood swings I'm facing health troubles:nodule in throat, nausea, toothache, headache, my hands get wet and I constantly move my fingers until it hurts. I'm obsessed with some thoughts, like that I'm awful, useless, fat and should have plastic surgery, panick attack is something usual.

The struggle is not easy, but I want to give it a try.

And to register on a dating site, but I won't run after guys.