I’m desperate to make amends for my former mistakes. I don’t expect forgiveness but I do want people to recognise the changes I have tried to implement. I didn’t instantly become an evil person. I just ask for you to remember the good. To understand that I, like everyone else is flawed. I only ask that I am given a chance.

Before Suzi’s passing I was a mess. I not only lost my safe space but I lost some of my best friends. Purely because I was misunderstood and I am not trying to be controversial, I am trying to be honest. My opinion may not have been popular but I don’t believe I deserved all that I got. I would love to sit down with everyone and hear the other side of the story but there is no point holding my breath til that happens.

As far as the big picture is concerned non of that matters. I don’t want to be the problem. I want you to understand that I loved Suzi as much if not more that everyone here. I would’ve dropped everything and driven 2hrs to be with her. I have done on many occasions. I met Marc who is a remarkable man, I met her children who are every bit as awesome as Suzi ever made them out to be. I got to cuddle with her dogs past and present. I don’t care what you all think of me, but I got to know Suzi in person. She was so much more than “just Suzi sat on the sofa”. She loved with all her heart. She fought for all she held dear. She ignored all the shit she had been through, and holy cow there was a lot, to try and help others. Suzi had so many struggling on a personal level but she put it all aside to put her family first, and I can only wish I was half the mother she was. Even when Marc was in his darkest place she fought for their kids, for her marriage. Non of it was easy but she battled because it was right. Her love shone through the darkness. I honestly cannot tell you, and maybe I don’t need to say what a force of nature she truly was. It breaks my heart to think I’ll never hear her voice or see another of her posts again. I still can’t believe it’s real.it’s no joke when I say I would happily trade my life for hers as she had so much more to offer the world and a loving family who need her.