I am on medication. I think I am going to try and see a therapist. But I always shut down as soon as I try. My son and family are what keep me going.

My mum keeps an eye on me. She works at my doctors surgery. So I can go there any time. My boyfriend is also great with me. He puts up with my down days. And when I try to pick a fight.

I just don't want to feel sad. I'm so scared that I'll pass all these feelings and mental health issues onto my baby. I don't have post natal depression. There's nothing I love more than being with my baby. He's so funny and has a racking personality that makes me smile.

But I feel exhausted being happy. Like its so much hard work just to be happy and it sucks. No one should feel this way. I know what's triggered all of this. But it will sound stupid and embarrassing.

A