I'm feeling so bad, so depressed, I'm fed up with my work, with my boaa, with my current place, with my f...g life, with my mom's disease, with the fact that I've failed in my private life.

I know that is nothing in comparison with my mom's sufferings, but this is just the way I'm feeling, that I'm useless and cannot stop the process of disease.

But that's ME. I just want to cut my fingers, my veins, to take something, and also fear that one day a customer will find me in tears.
That I'm not worth of being loved, and hearing at home my mom's good and a bit vile comments at once, although generally we get along well now. I'm feeling that she's more or less happy each time I fail in my real or online attempt to build up a relationship with a man. I know that is a sin to think so, but that's my feeling, her ideal of man is hers and the image of religion too. I'm feeling bad in my relation with prayer and church too, I'm feeling punished, trapped, breathless.

In fact, too much accent on me, I'm maybe egoist but responsible for everything, just feeling I cannot cope with this chaos anymore...