To be honest Suzi, think I was so overwhelmed last week to hear from the ED services that I was lucky to be alive and that my illness had become 'severe' and 'life threatening' (honestly didn't realise it had even become this bad) and so relieved that I had managed to keep so positive and work so hard to stay out of hospital that after that I just lost all control. I worked the same night I was told I was lucky to be alive and for nine hours on no food the next day! Then I starved on only fruit for three days straight.

Found out two nights ago my sister in law has had a third miscarriage. Seeing my happy go lucky brother so desperately sad honestly broke my heart.

Today I told my mother everything. She is such a big support and has agreed to supervise me to make sure I drink the shakes and eat the agreed bits of food. It's scary but I don't want to live this way anymore! My auntie said eat to be able to do the things you want rather than only thinking of eating to gain weight.

I just had some lunch and feel so much more energised. I can do this!

Getting weighed again at the clinic tomorrow and have to fess up to the services, but I am asking for more support now!