I'm sorry you've been through so much. This post is 3 months old lovely, if you want to talk more openly about how you are feeling you would be welcome to start your own thread so that we don't miss any of your story.
I know, 3 months isn't very long though which is why I did a response, especially with depression time just flies by like it was yesterday. I was replying to this as it's relatable to me anyway though. Thanks.