Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

[SA89]

Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..

You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help...
What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....

wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.

Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didn’t realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I haven’t been able to work for almost 12 years because I’m so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What I’m trying to say is that it’s rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Don’t believe all you see on Facebook ...

Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..

If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!

That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine ..

[magie06]

[QTE=SA89;392984] twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..


wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.


Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..


That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine ..[/QUOTE]

[Suzi]

Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..

That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine ..

Actually you have the same chances as countless others. You do, however seem to be wallowing in self pity. That isn't something I say lightly, but what things are you doing to help yourself? What therapy are you doing? Are you pushing yourself to get up, get dressed? Are you eating and drinking properly? Are you doing things like helping your Mum around the flat? What about signing up to a free online course or something that proves to potential employers that you are wanting to learn, to progress, to challenge yourself? In all the time I've known you, it's always been someone else's fault that you don't have a gf, a job, the right therapy, etc... Maybe some of it is down to the choices that you make.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but some of what you've said has really upset and offended me. I am just saying it as I see it....

[Suzi]

Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..

That's a terrible thing to say.... That screams lack of respect for anyone who has taken their own lives, those who fight those thoughts on a daily basis and does nothing to make you sound anything like someone who has any respect for anyone at all. It goes against everything that I and thousands of others fight against that kind of flippant comment and stigma around depression and suicide.
Why exactly do you think they are discriminating against you?
In what way do you think you gave enough detail, but they didn't - give examples?

wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.

Your first sentence here sounds so rude! I'm not, and never have been wanting praise or "well done you" or similar. It's not about that, that isn't why I posted what I did. I hardly ever say how things really are for me.
No I don't have diagnosed depression - I have had post natal depression 3 times and I have cared for Marc with his breakdowns, and recoveries... Mindfulness is more than sitting in the garden trying to be present once. It takes hours of practise.
You being a recluse is your choice. There are so many things you could try, but you don't ever seem to take responsibility for any of this...
It's also important to note that you don't have to be someone who shuts themselves away to be someone who takes their own lives. Again - a flippant comment which does nothing to show you as a respectful and thoughtful human being at all.


Continued in the next post.