Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*

[SA89]

Hey I've not posted for a while because I feel like posting without showing signs of improvement only adds to my shame as Suzi mentioned.

I'm still struggling with all these issues & probably will till the day I die. I'm kinda resigned to this life now (unless I choose to end it early of course..). I've just had a lecture from my mum's friend how I don't help my mum around the house. I'm fully aware of this yet I'm too apathetic to do anything about it, despite my guilt. My depression and anxiety is a major factor along with my lack of independence. I'm 29 & I've missed out on that development through being a major recluse. I support my mum financially with what little benefits I get, so that's something.

Anyway, I'll wrap this brief update with what I've been up to. I attended a training course recently to work in an autism centre. I was there daily for 7 days which involved physical restraint exercises. Since then I've retreated to my room again. I apply everyday for work and voluntary. Got a few interviews next week including 1 to be a mental health advocate volunteer. I've joined a group from the meetup app but they all seem much older than me. It may be a bit awkward but I'll join them for a drink regardless. I had an assessment recently and they ruled out autism. They've referred me to yet another counselor. I'm not taking pills and haven't for a year. I'm tired of hearing about them as the "go-to advice". I've had chamomile tea the past couple days which seems to have sedated my mind a little bit ..