They have anti-deps that are non-drowsy. I didn't even take mirtazapine for depression. I took it for insomnia. I usually slept way into the afternoon.

And I agree with Paula. They post an "ideal" way of living and only show you the positive things. You have no idea what their life is really like.
I have no clue what I want to do. I'm 22. I thought I did when I started college at 18 and then dropped out and then went back AGAIN. I STILL don't know. I'm just kind of, like you said, engineering it. But getting on the right meds and seeing your GP regularly and getting support will alleviate some of the battle. You may not know what you want to do yet. But you've got time. Try and not to compare yourself to the world. You are your own worst critic.

Are there any clubs nearby you can get involved in? And cool groups to join? Can you go talk to a career counselor at your local university? Just telling them about your interests can at least guide you to some resources. You never know until you try.