Losing a partner after 3 decades together is going to be devastating and is naturally going to time to heal from that loss and make adjustments to allow to to be able to move on. The getting upset isn’t for no reason. You are grieving and the loneliness itself can be difficult to overcome. Does it help to talk about your wife? I’m pretty sure people here would like to get to know you, and if you’re okwith it to let us get to know your wife too. If you aren’t ready that’s ok too. Have you spoken to anyone to help with your grief? A bereavement councillor?