Not going to lie. Been thinking a lot about Suzi tonight. I’ve been missing her for a long time and to thing that I’ll moved hear her wisdom again is truly heart breaking.

I’m not looking for sympathy. Far from it. I truly loved that woman with all my heart and to think that she is no longer with us and left us thinking that I didn’t appreciate her and all she did for me hurts so deeply cos that was never the case. I admit I fought against the things I struggled to deal with and maybe she felt I was fighting against her but that wasn’t the truth. I have had so many struggled that didn’t want to face and yes I fought hard against that because I wasn’t ready to accept the truth. I’m not gonna lie that is still hard for me. I loved Suzi with all my heart and she challenged me on so many levels and I fought back against the truth. I was scared to see what was right in front of me. It was never personal. I genuinely loved her for her honesty and I can’t believe she’s gone. How am I supposed to go on without her? I know she touched everybody here but the last 6 months have been hell for me and to think that I will never have her wisdom to rely on ever again… I genuinely don’t know how I can go on.This women changed my life in ways no one could ever understand. You all may have your opinions about me but I loved Suzi with all my heart. I hate that she is going to the grave not knowing how much I appreciate every little thing she did for me.

I only have myself to blame