Monday I slept literally all day. Tuesday felt a bit more with it but yesterday didn’t get out of bed until almost midday and would’ve stayed there had a not made plans to meet with friends for lunch. Went out to see another old friend play in a darts comp last night and today I feel totally drained again. I seem to be having more days like this lately where I barely have the energy to get out of bed so booking an appointment with the GP just in case.

It’s my eldest birthday on Sunday, he’ll be 20. I bought him a football shirt and was hoping he could wear it to the game with me in a few weeks but he turned me down. Rather than arranging to meet up and go for something to eat and celebrate his birthday he wants me to drop off the presents at his workplace cos he’s working. I know I’ve not been a big part of his life in a long time but I feel so let down. I didn’t even get a text from him for Mother’s Day. It hurts so much that he has the choice to talk or spend time with me as an adult but still can’t make time. I feel so useless, unwanted and unloved. What is the point in existing when the people I love most in this world want nothing to do with me? I’m sick of the constant pain and the knowledge that I am nothing but a disappointment to my family and friends.