My mum had inoperable lung cancer. If you handle an endoscopy I promise you than you won’t wanna live with cancer. It’s your life and your choice to make. Not my place to try and change your mind but living under a death sentence when a simple test could rule out a terminal illness and allow to live free of than worry doesn’t really make a lot of sense does it? I mean you say you’ve had too much to cope with recently but then volunteer yourself to live under this cloud. Idk, maybe you’re happy suffering.