Why can’t I let go?

[Miss Molly]

Ive booked a telephone doctors appointment - itÂ’s later this month.
IÂ’ve tried different types of counselling, the last I had was told counselling doesnÂ’t work for everyone. Groups are a big no no, especially with men. Was told I need to learn to love myself - how can I do that in a group? I also tend to take other peoples problems home with me. As usual I always put my listening hat on and never get me sorted.
ItÂ’s like living as Jackel & Hyde, something I hide from doctor and donÂ’t tell how IÂ’m really feeling, Have told her about the hallucinations.
ThereÂ’s times when I lose my rag over very small things. Having evil thoughts about what I should have done to my ex sister when mum died. Karma caught up with her and she is now in a care home due to dementia.
I know I would be sectioned because of how I feel - if I knew which home she was in, IÂ’d go and do what she did to me when I was young.
Three times I ended up in hospital to have my stomach pumped (i
was under 5yrs old) and it was because my evil step sister gave me aspirins.

Thanks for that Paula. CBT doesnÂ’t work for me. Doctor wasnÂ’t happy that the last lot (specialised councelling) has told me that counselling does t work for some.
Too much trauma has happened in my life.

Thanks for your reply OldMike.

[Paula]

Why are you hiding stuff?

[Miss Molly]

Because they’d section me - I wouldn’t cope with being locked away and drugged up.
It’s like I wouldn’t cope if a friend put me up.
Stress/anxiety makes me over think. I’ve just been out to put recycle stuff, there was a piece of toast on my bench - the neighbour who lives above me did this years ago.
Years I’ve had to put up with them - last year we shook hands (my suggestion) and it’s been lovely until today.
I’m tired of going through my *h*t with different counsellors.
Mind only do a block of 6-8 weeks - been there done that a couple times.
Another counsellor couldn’t see me anymore because I was feeling suicidal!!!
My doctor reckons I need much longer counselling for the trauma I’ve endured since childhood.
Few weeks ago one of the neighbours was sectioned, he was let out far too early. He pestered me so told him to leave me alone. He’s been sectioned again as he threatened to kill other neighbours!!!
I just don’t need other peoples crap - I’ve got my own to try sort out.����

[Paula]

What are you hiding?