Today I was reminded of how easy it is to slip into a downward spiral and how hard it can be to stop yourself from free falling into a hole.
I had a psychiatric appointment a couple of weeks ago, it was a tough day in an already hard week. It really knocked me for 6. Since then my anxiety and agitation has been increased. I'm not sleeping very well or soundly.
This has a knock on effect on my flashbacks which sends my distress sky rocketing. I'm also exhausted and have a niggling tension headache most of the time which means I dont feel like doing the things that help me cope.... eg swimming, meeting up with friends. I just want to curl up on my sofa.
I'm trying to break the cycle. Yesterday I did a bit of gardening, today I met a friend for a short walk but I'm worn down. As ever stopping the direction of the spiral and turning it around requires a lot more energy than just staying riding it down. At the end of the day, I'm the only one that can make the choice to try turn it around and put the effort in that it takes.
Its damn hard, I dont really want to, I'm tired and my sofa is comfy but that black hole is not somewhere I want to be.
So today, I was honest with my psychologist, I shared the fact that I'm struggling with my friend because having your support network makes all the difference whether its friends, family, on line community , we all need it to succeed.
