Hi everyone, I'm so sorry for being absent the past weeks. A lot of crap has happened which didn't improve the general situation at all. Back in October, a cancerous tumor was found on my mum's kidney which resulted in the kidney getting removed. Gladly they found no evidence of disease aftee removed the kidney and she counts as healed now which is good news, although many weeks of recovery will have to follow. But for now we can see it as good news.
Due to all of this, I barely was able to do anything apart from going to work (only to get treated like pure sh*t there). Gladly I've got just 6 months left there before my training for that job ends and I can look into better opportunities.
I must admit, I didn't have regular meetings with my therapst because of that. I know it would've been a good idea ESPECIALLY because of all that happened the past few weeks but I just wasn't able to function correctly. I feel like I now fully reached rock bottom. If I thought I was bad earlier this year, then this is a whole new level.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful my mum is okay.
But I feel like I don't want to go on myself. Everything is so pointless, so why keep fighting?
With flu season happening as well, things are even worse for me now (I've got emetophobia) so leaving the house at all is scary and I have to force myself to go for walks after school/work or to just find motivation for anything, even if it's just getting up.
Everything sucks so much and I hate it.
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