@Mira: I mean it's true that no one knows whether others are truly happy behind the surface. So sorry to hear that you only see failure at yourself... everyone's got many talents and everyone's an unique person for sure.
Thank you for your words xx

I think the reason I feel like not being able to manage anything is due to years of bullying and talking myself down. I have no hope for a bright future. I see WHAT I want to do but it's only connected with worry even if I know that I'll regret not pursuing my dreams one day.
It's always so good to hear people getting where they want later in life, that makes me have some hope. But I still am so doubtful. I always keep thinking: What if I decide to do something and will regret that in the future, because it means missing out other things? xx