Seeing no way out **SH Trigger**

[Butterfly]

I'm training to be a legal assistant (hope that's the correct English word) but I'd much rather go into the creative side. Acting, singing, dancing, writing, etc. It IS hard to get there, I know. It's associated with worry because I fear it's too financially unstable and that I'll end up with no money, no partner, no one by my side.

Covid had a slight impact on my mood though I'm gladly able to connect with my friends via videochat or messaging them. My doctor has yet only talked about talking therapy. I thought that hypnosis might be an option as well but am not sure whether that'll work out.

Something else that constantly has me upset and thinking is the fear of being judges. Judged for everything. I suffer (though suffer is a big word, seeing that it has no impact on my life) from a condition called neurofibromatosis. It doesn't impact my decision to have kids in the future, and nothing speaks against it medically or something, but I still fear to get judged. Society is cruel and judges people for anything. I fear that people close to me and those who mean a lot to me will judge me for anything I do because of only seeing tze disease. As mentioned, it never had nor will have any impact on my life. I have some "freckles" on my skin but that's about it. It can be passed onto my kids but 1) doesn't have to happen 2) is so mild that they probably will never have an impact on their lives either.
I feel bad for worrying so much about the future. I just want to live a happy and good life like others, without worrying about anything I do. I just want to do what I want and what makes me happy.

[Paula]

Has anyone judged you in the past? I’ve found that most of society tries to be kind. You’ll certainly find kindness here and absolutely no judgement.

Hunni, have you thought about doing some amateur dramatics?

[Butterfly]

I've sadly been judged for several things before, no matter how small. It's good to hear that this place offers kindness and a good place to speak about things xx
What's amateur dramatics may I ask? xx

Thank you so much for all the compliments as well. It's a cood feeling to hear compliments when getting them so rarely. I definitely have dreams and goals and am sad that my fears are holding me back because it's not been like this last year or so. I have no idea about where it comes from... I think due to bullying in the past I'm afraid of getting judged, especially by people I like or look up to. When I see my idols I'm like "I want to be like them" and think if I never get to be like them (beautiful like them or brave/strong, doing many brave things) I'll forever end up unhappy. And I fear to be hated by people. It's definitely a good idea to speak to my doctor again... surely this can't go on like tjis forever. Thank you all so much for your help and welcoming me so warmly into the forum.
Appreciating all the help so much! Anxiety and overthinking really is hard to live with and I'm longing for a more carefree and happier life. Thanks to all of you xx

[Paula]

It’s good to have people to look up to, that inspire us, but I believe we should always strive to be the best we can be, and not a copy of someone else

“Amateur dramatics is theatre performed by amateur actors and singers. Amateur theatre groups may stage plays, revues, musicals, light opera, pantomime or variety shows, and do so for the social activity as well as the artistic side. Productions may take place in venues ranging from the open air, community centres or schools to independent or major professional theatres and can be simple light entertainment or demanding drama.”

We have amateur dramatic societies in every town, village, city in the UK. Are there organisations like that near you?