Mira, you are my friend. I genuinely feel for you cos I know what it’s like when you feel misunderstood, like nobody understands how you feel. Your feeling are absolutely valid, they are real and it hurts a lot. It’s the thoughts you are having that are wrong. You are a valued member of this forum, people do care about you. There is no agenda against you. This is your illness lying to you, trying to take over your life and make you feel awful about yourself and it’s winning. At some point you will have to question these thoughts. You need to start recognising the lies inside your head and prove them wrong. It’s never easy but I promise you it is worth the effort