This is a rough weekend for me. We are in a lockdown at the moment but for me it changes almost nothing. The only thing I notice is people around me saying how lonely life is and how they struggle with it. But for me this has been my life since I broke up with my girlfriend over 3 years ago now?

I promised my therapists that I would not self harm. I do think about it all the time. Destroying my body so it looks the way I feel it already does. All the while I do overeat and purge more then 2 times a day. Because of the ad's my mouth is already dry and this way its sure to leave damage.

Taking care of my then girlfriend was the thing that tipped me over. I think she is doing way better and thats good. But I feel I am on a cliff with no where to go. All the while only learning how messed up I am and whos fault it is. But me only wanting to take it out on myself.

Right now with pain in my hand because of the teeth marks.

I dont think I ever felt so sad for myself.