This post from the amazing Paula..
I think I had my first mental health crisis when I was 16, post GCSEs - which I passed with flying colours, but at a cost. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 27 - 11 years of what felt like a rollercoaster ride. Life felt really, really hard. I’m 46 now, 30 years on from the start of a lifetime’s battle with severe depression and anxiety, and I’m still here. Which is a huge shock, if I’m completely honest. So, why am I still here? Why do I keep fighting and how have I managed it? The why is easy - my family, particularly my husband and 2 daughters, and my faith. How? The right medication, support from my medical team, therapy, DWD, and love and support from my friends, church and family. I think a couple of the stand out moments for me are: my mum racing to me when I called her, sobbing because I’d spilt nail varnish on the carpet; and, when I was in a mental health hospital, my husband working from home during the day, looking after our young children, putting them to bed before, when mum arrived to babysit, coming up to see me and play board games with me before returning home to work into the night EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. (He’s my hero.)
But there is one other person I need to recognise for getting me through - me. Dealing with any MH issue is exhausting, devastating and really, really hard. Getting through requires a lot of hard work; asking for help seems wrong; taking medication even when they make you feel physically dreadful; seeing your counsellor even when the sessions seem to make you feel worse; and having to tell your boss why you keep going off sick. Your brain is probably telling you you’re insignificant and nobody wants or needs you but everyone around you is telling you the opposite. Who do you believe? Well, take it from someone who knows, your brain is lying to you. Those around you who love you and tell you they need you in their lives are telling you the truth. It’ll take a lot of work to get your brain on the same page but, believe me, it’s worth it. Paula
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