First day joining you all. Newby! *SH/AB Trigger*

[Strugglingmum]

Hi and welcome.
I'm sorry you are going through so much right now.
I'm hoping your inpatient treatment comes through quickly for you

[Tom]

It seems my usual coping strategies are not working so well which are meditating, journaling, music, photography, talking to a professional. Nothing seems to last that long to actually have much benefit.x

Hmm, maybe try something that also contains some kind of physical activity and contact with others? It doesn't even have to be sports but could as well be something like cooking some stuff together with your children. Even if the outcome is not perfect, you will still have some fun and quality time with your children
If you're fine with doing some sports, I'd recommend to find a climbing gym and start bouldering or climbing there. I found the community to be very friendly and supportive. Even if you don't know anyone there it's easy to establish contact, just go up to someone and ask for tips, most people are happy to share their wisdom ^^

What also just came to my mind (I think I read or heard it somewhere) is the following: always carry a sheet of paper and a pen on you. Everytime you encounter something nice, see something that makes you smile, smell something good, or whatever it may be, make a tick on the paper, maybe even a bigger one if it was something extraordinary. That could help you to focus on the good things and to better keep them in mind. If you feel like the paper is not filling up fast enough, you might want to concentrate on even smaller things, or try to get active yourself, like giving your children a good hug (I'd say that might even be worth two ticks each )
You could also substitute paper and ticks with a bag and corn grains, that way you would even feel the bag of good things getting heavier over time.

And keep in mind that there are people who care about your wellbeing, even if they just might seem to be "random people on the internet"