Well the last I spoke to him was the start of the corona virus breakdown when I asked him if he was alright since I saw on the news that two people in Hertfordshire were infected. But otherwise I havent spoken to him. It's been so so hard to accept it all since we both had feelings for each other and I knew I was the only girl he had gotten close since his last (and only)relationshio which was 4 or so years ago. We really understood each other and I'm embarrassed to admit this but one time, we went to see the fireworks during November time and he ended up having a dodgy hotdog and when we went back to his flat, he immediately had a tummy ache. I've had food poisoning before and it was the worse thing ever and I was so worried that might have it. He had no paracetamol or anything and so I rushed out in my car quickly before the shops closed and got him the meds and left him there to rest up. Then a week later, I got a speeding ticket from that night, where I had driven so fast to make sure I gt him the painkillers. That event is just bittersweet. And Paula, you are right, he didnt cope with his job loss well and he wasnt very good at being open and I knew he tried to put up walls around me but they didnt last with me. So I really had an affect on him but cause of everything going on, he couldnt cope. He also had to rent his flat, which he had to fix up before he moved back to Hertfordshire. So I understand he was going through a lot. But I couldnt be friends with him, I love him. I told him I didnt wanna lose him and he just hugged me close to him. He wasn't good at expressing his feelings but i knew by his actions. There hasnt been a day since when I dont think about him. He's made me such a better person and he's part of my daily life. I have one picture of us together from when we worked together but thats it. A part of me does understand his decision as in our last weekend together, I saw a notebook on his kitchen with a list of things he had to do for the flat, get bulbs, curtains etc. and the last thing on the last was written in capitals: "SORT YOUR LIFE OUT JOE". So he did have a lot going on but we still really liked each other. The whole thing is just so tragic and my feelings for him hasnt changed at all. If i had the chance to live the last 8 or so months again with him knowing how it will end, i'd do it again without any second thoughts