Stella I’ve never really thought about it, I just hate the situation I’m in, the body I’m in and the way my mind works. Feeling like on a daily basis I’m not good enough. So I guess that would be the situation but I also feel like there’s no reason place for me here and I feel like ending it might give me a place to fit in. I’m not religious and I don’t believe in heaven or hell or reincarnation but I know things can’t get much worse than they are so I feel like feeling nothing will be better than I have to feel now.

Suzi my dads not in my life and my mums a very public person, when I first started dealing with depression I would suffer from migraines and panic attacks and everyone from my aunt to people I’ve never met knew and tried talking to me. I have a sig. other who is honestly amazing but I find it hard to open up to her since I blame myself for all issues that come up in the relationship. As for a doctor I’m considering it but it’s just that fear of reaching out for help