This may sound a bit selfish but I feel it’s justified.

My sister has always run around after everyone else but doesn’t give me a second though. She was the one who helped drive a rift between me and my brother after my dad died not that she has ever accepted responsibility for her part in it. She has however been amazing in helping him and his partner out during his illness and I respect her for that. She did the same for our Mum and is so much more than I could’ve handled. I’ve now lost both parents, and my brother. Now it’s just me and her but I feel like I don’t ever exist.

My brothers partner has 4 adult children and 12 grandkids many of those old enough to be classed as adults. She is not short of support. However, my sister has practically been living with her since my brothers death because she feels lonely. Again honourable actions from my sister but what us? Her epileptic husband, who I learned last night is going to hospital this week for testing related to prostate cancer, or her children one of whom has had to deal with the death of someone else close to him shortly before my brother passed, or me as I am completely on my own and have no other family to lean on.

I might be the strong independent type but I’ve got so much going on right now and the one immediately family member I have left can’t find the time to call or pop round (considering she lives in the next street) to check up on me. I hate that everyone else is thought more important than me and even when she is told that I’m struggling I get a couple of hours of her time over a meal out and that’s it. No follow up. Nothing. I’ve felt like an outsider my whole life and that’s because I am. I just want someone to put me first for a change. To be there for me when I need someone. To just talk about what’s going on. My family have never really known who I am cos they’ve never bothered to try and understand me.

She did contact me last night. To ask if I would drive her and her hubby to the hospital appointment because she doesn’t like driving. When I told her I was self isolating due to coronavirus I got a simple “ok”. I had to push to find out why they had to go to hospital and she didn’t even think to ask if there is anything I needed. For someone so thoughtful and caring of others she does a good job of making me feel inferior.